Hey Anteaters! So I've been thinking about it and I really should have a page listing all the counter-apologetics I've done, with links and titles and other helpful things. So here's a quick link location for anyone wanting to share my analyses with others :)
Messin' with Mormons This is a series of live-chats with LDS missionaries, complete with snarky italicized commentary from me.
Chat 1 How do you know that's really revelation and not just thoughts in your head? Chat 2 How do you know your god is the right one? Chat 3 Why can't girls be prophets? Chat 4 What do you mean by "restored church?" Chat 5 Why did God make the devil? Chat 6 What happened to the big miracles? Chat 7 Marriage and family life in the LDS Church Chat 8 Can you really *choose* what you believe? Chat 9 I know it's true because god told me in my head. Chat 10 All the good stuff is God's doing.
Every Student (EveryStudent.com)
Why Pick the God of the Bible? Cause wouldn't it be better if it was true? WPGB part 2 He was human for you and died for you. Why are you so mean you won't believe in him? WPGB part 3 - Cause he's the best god ever, you know.
Is There a God? - Complexity of life proves a complex creator (or something like that) ITAG part 2 - First cause argument ITAG part 3 - Jesus claimed to be god, so he must be (lunatic, liar, lord)
Slick Apologetic 2 - It's your fault your going to hell for denying God's existence.
Christian Women Today If God is in Control... - He's just building character in all those starving and sexually abused kids around the globe. Thin Within - Someone refers me to a "spiritual" fat camp after I fill out a survey on eating disorders Thin Without - Email exchange with my computer-appointed Christian mentor
The Story The Story is a Lie - My response to an evangelical creationist Flash summary of the Bible The Story Continues Email exchange between me and one of the Story authors
Mercy Ministries - NOTE: You should check out Sean the Blogonaut. He's done more to take this group down than anyone I know of. Great guy, too. :) Merciless Ministries - Why I think it's a cult
No one actually aid, "Don't talk to strangers" and frankly, that's not the best advice anyway. I mean, you talk to strangers in front of your kid all the time, and every year they meet new "strangers" at school - teachers and coaches and other students.
I remember one second grade day, my brother, sister, cousin and I were standing outside Riverhills Christian School, waiting for Giggy to pick us up. The Baby Ministry was in full swing in those days, and hadn't yet morphed into Home in Zion. A woman we didn't know showed up in a minivan and told us that Giggy had sent her, because Gig was attending a birth. I started to get into the van, when my brother David stopped me.
"Wait," he told the woman, "She didn't tell us about that. We'll just wait here." We ended up waiting another two hours. I couldn't believe how obstinate my brother was being, and wherever he had acquired the idea that you shouldn't just get in a car with a stranger who says they know your parents, it wasn't from home. After that day, my mom confirmed that yes, David had done the right thing by wanting confirmation. She promised that Gig would give the person a note next time Gig sent someone to get us (something my mom didn't like in the first place, as the whole point of living with Gig from her perspective, was that Gig would watch us while she was at university and work.)
Still, my molestation began within a few months of that day. I went to my friend Pam's house after school, looking to play with her. She was out with her mom and brother, at one of her brother's many occupational therapy sessions. He had some form of disability, I couldn't remember what it was called, that left him hunched and huddled, wheelchair or else bed bound, and incapable of speech. Pam's dad opened the door.
"You can come in and watch TV with me while you wait for her," he said.
My son will know not to accept an offer like that. I didn't.
I subscribe to the Kidpower.org email newsletter. The group was founded by Irene van der Zande. From their site, she "was inspired to found Kidpower by a frightening incident in 1985. As she was leading a group of young kids on a field trip, a man charged towards them and threatened to take one of the children.
Irene put herself between the man and the children, including her own son and daughter, and shouted. With the help of bystanders, she forced the attacker to leave. The children were unhurt and soon recovered - but Irene was shaken and determined to do something to help people, especially children, build the skills and confidence to take charge of their own safety."
These are the same people who published the Halloween safety tips I posted back in October (including "Write your cell phone number in Sharpie on your kid's arm in case you get separated.") In addition to providing child safety tips, they offer "people safety" classes for teens, women, men, and people in wheelchairs. This week, they've sent in this story from one of their workshop students, with accompanying tips.
Irene, I wanted to let you know that as I was leaving work on Tuesday night, using all the tips of walking with awareness and confidence, a man in a Mercedes slowed down and was driving alongside of me, staring and making me very uncomfortable.
At first, I didn't realize he was focused on me, but it got worse when he started calling to me, and then when I reached an intersection, and needed to cross the street (going straight), he was turning left. He pulled into the crosswalk and stopped, leering at me and blocking my path.
There were other cars around, but no other people on the sidewalk nearby, and I could see that if he wanted to jump out of his car and attack me, he would have a few elements in his favor because I was, in a sense, isolated, and because he was in a car, he had an advantage.
I kept my calm, even though I was worried that he might try and jump out of his car and abduct me.
I looked right at him, said calmly and clearly, "No, thanks" (the first thing that popped to mind in my panic), and walked WAY around his car to keep myself at a safer distance. I even thought through the situation and walked behind him so he couldn't lurch forward and easily clip me to knock me down. He peeled away, and I quickly stepped into a bar on that block to make sure he wasn't circling back.
Typically, when someone starts leering/catcalling at me (even a "normal-looking" guy in a really nice car), my gut reaction is to flip out at them, call the person names or insult them (and I thank my New Jersey heritage for the ability to rattle off swear words in a way that would peel the paint off a car, so it gets pretty ugly pretty fast when I switch it on).
I used to think that was the best way to feel like I've "put them in their place" for being so disrespectful. But thanks to our Fullpower workshop on best practices in "People Safety," I assessed the situation and did what I needed to do to calm down, rather than escalate, the situation, and definitely felt less shaken by the experience afterwards, knowing that I had done the safest thing to protect myself and prevent a dangerous situation. ...
This brave woman did a great job of protecting herself in a potentially very dangerous situation by staying focused moment by moment on what her safest choices would be. The skills we'd practiced that morning were simple, including:
Projecting an attitude of awareness, calm, and confidence
Paying attention and being strategic
Staying centered and assessing your choices
Moving out of reach
Disengaging without escalating by giving neutral answers and leaving
Changing your plan and moving away from danger and towards safety
Setting boundaries
Getting help
Physical self-defense
Think of how much suffering could be prevented if everyone knew how to use these simple skills!
And really ladies, who among us hasn't responded to honks & catcalls upon occassion with a third finger salute? Hell, I used to carry a small airhorn so I could honk back. (I also used to go hitchhiking, the epitome of taking rides from strangers. I'm still not sure I've entirely figured that one out. Apparently cab drivers don't count as strangers, but semi-drivers do.)
And here's the person I try to keep safe and keep myself safe for: the Cuteness Monster.
Okay here's the third installment in our series. (Check out the second one here.)
M – Mold Your Children. When I think of the word “mold”, I think of The Potter, God, molding the clay, us, into useful vessels as it speaks of in Jeremiah 18. As Christian mothers, we can and should be instruments that God can use to mold our children. Our desire should be for our children to grow up to be vessels fit for the Master’s use.
Okay except, I'm not a lump of clay. Or an instrument or a vessel, and I don't want my life to be for some master's use. And I don't want my son to be a molded lump either. I want him to make his own choices and find his own path, and be his own person. Of course I'll try to influence and shape him, by expressing what I approve of and what I value and what I find reprehensible. But I don't ever want him to think he is meant to be shaped to someone else's design.
Molding our children into these vessels is a continual process. Our teaching and training time with them cannot be “here a little, there a little”. If a potter works on a lump of clay for a while and then sets it aside, intending to come back to it at a later date, what is going to happen to the clay? It will become hardened. So it is with children. If we neglect to teach and train them daily according to the principles found in God’s Word, there is danger of them becoming hardened to the things of the Lord.
If you don't indoctrinate early and often, they'll think these tales are ridiculous and this morality inferior. Find out how brainwashing can work for your family today!
How can we as mothers be used by God to “mold” our children? Deuteronomy 6:6,7 says, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:” What you teach your children must first be in your heart. If you are not allowing the Lord to speak to you DAILY through His Word, you cannot effectively teach your children.
Uh, the Lord isn't speaking to me daily or even semi-annually, yet I am effectively teaching my child. Hell, Blue's Clues is effectively teaching him*. Do you think Joe's right with God?**
“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” These verses tell me that I need to be speaking of the Lord and His Word throughout the day….while cooking supper, teaching math, folding laundry, playing, cleaning, etc…
Sounds like argument ad nauseum to me. Say it over and over again, and anything sounds possible. "God is all these contradictory things at the exact same time and the entire Bible is true, even the parts that disagree with the other parts. Amen." Stamp out doubt, stamp out doubt...
I need to be sensitive to opportunities God gives me to apply Biblical principles to “day-to-day” situations. I have found that the more time I spend in the Bible, the easier this is to do. Luke 6:45 says, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Whatever I have hid in my heart is going to naturally come out in my conversation.
This is where Christianity can get really oppressive. I remember feeling like I could express too much appreciation for something, or it would become an idol and then I wouldn't get to have it anymore. I wasn't allowed to actually feel proud of my singing voice, and I could like fantasy books or plays or friends too much, because God was supposed to be my primary focus. Every minute I spent playing video games or watching Monty Python or smoking cigarettes down at the park with friends was a minute I wasn't putting God first. A guy told me in a video recently that "atheism sucks the life out of its followers". Thinking I was cheating on my god anytime I spent a minute on an activity that wasn't completely about him - (like worship, or church volunteer work, or youth group activities, or devotions time) left me feeling like a battered lover.
There are many principles from God’s Word that we need to be teaching our children as we are used of God to mold them, but I would like to quickly name a few.
1. We need to teach them of their need for a Saviour and God’s wonderful plan of salvation. Salvation is only through repentance and faith in the finished work of the cross. Romans 10:9,10 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness ; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Right, can't have your kids thinking they're okay the way God made them. Gotta teach them that they're wicked, and in need of salvation for their dirty humanness.
And, II Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” I cannot save my children…they must each trust Christ as their own personal Saviour.
If He doesn't want any of us to perish, why did he set up a system where so many people are guaranteed to? After all, merely repenting towards your fellow human being isn't what's required here. Rachel says salvation "is only through repentance and faith in the finished work of the cross." She can't save her babies, so she has to raise them in fear of themselves, so that they won't tarry in getting "saved."
2. We need to teach them the importance of reading God’s Word. Tell them how precious God’s Word is and how we need to love and treasure it. Psalm 119:97 says, “O how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.” Our attitude toward the Bible will affect their attitude.
Ah, yes. If you don't convince them at an early age that the Bible is holy, and if they actually read it, they might not come to the conclusion that the book is the Word of God or divine or somehow inspired or even good. And that would be a tragedy, after all. I can't fault Rachel for indoctrinating her children, much as it pains me. Remember, she was indoctrinated as a child herself. The fear she used to feel about her own immortality is now for her children. Given that set of propositions, telling your children over and over that they need a savior, and that the savior wants them to read this book, is the loving thing to do. It's just not true.
But, we not only need to stress the importance of reading their Bible, but also to live it. James 1:22 says, “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only…”
Okay, well, I gotta give her points for avoiding hypocrisy. Unfortunately, the word that she is being faithful to is genocidal, fear-mongering, and insane.
3. Teach them the importance and privilege of prayer. Teach them, by example, to go to the Lord about everything….every burden…every decision to make.
Well, it's what she looked for in a marriage, so it's hardly surprising she desires a submissive, following role with her god as well. Why make decisions when you can just trust the menfolk and the man-god?
The last part of James 4:2 says, “ye have not because ye ask not” and then II Chronicles 16:9 says, “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” How many times have we missed having a burden lifted, or lacked wisdom in making the right decision simply because we didn’t ask? James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally…” Teach your children the power of prayer.
So do you suppose people dying of disease and starvation, malnutrition and political strife and war, do you suppose those people never asked God to improve their lot in life? Certainly some of them may not believe in the Christian god, and so I can see they'd be screwed (although this hardly seems to mesh with a god who doesn't desire for any to perish), but there are Christian amputees and Jewish amputees (and atheist amputees.) Do they "have not" because they ask not? Or do you suppose they asked, and god just didn't answer them? Was he "slack as some men count slackness" during the Nazi Holocaust or the genocide in Darfur? Ah yes, the power of prayer.
4. Teach them to be faithful to the Lord’s house. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” Psalm 92:13,14 says, “Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing.” Teach them, once again by example, the importance of faithfulness to God’s house. Psalm 122:1 says, “I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.” Are you “glad” when Sunday morning comes? Children learn much by example.
Especially when they're not permitted to see any other examples. Church is largely boring. The exceptions tend to be on the crazier and crazier ends - rooms full of adults dressed in business casual, jumping up and down to some incredibly simplistic GCDC music; handling snakes; or else writhing on the floor "slain in the Spirit" or being delivered from demonic activity. Beyond those frightening displays, it largely consists of sitting or standing in a room for an hour or hours, listening to someone read and explain a book that doesn't actually apply to your modern-day life, desperately trying to make it fit, like solving a jigsaw puzzle with a razor blade and a roll of scotch tape.
5. Teach them to choose godly friends. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” How many Christian young peoples’ testimonies or even lives have been destroyed simply because of a wrong friend? Psalm 119:63 “I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.” The right kind of friends will encourage and build you up in the faith. I heard a preacher once say, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you what you are or what you soon shall be.”
Ah, well, if a preacher said it, it must be true! No, wait that's scientists. Oh wait, no, that's not anybody. Nice argument from authority there, Rachel, but I don't actually respect the authority of clergy. When you say "teach them to choose" do you mean, instill them with values you cherish and clearly state your expectations for behavior to your children, or do you mean TELL them "Don't hang out with those godless kids down the block. They'll lead you to Hell"?
6. Teach them that they can and should be godly examples to others, even in their youth. II Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Don’t believe the lie that it is “normal” for every child to “sow their wild oats.” Yes, some children will rebel. “…a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15, but children do not have to go through a time of rebellion. Proverbs 20:11 says, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.” We should expect godly behaviour even in our children if they are saved.
Well, separation or "rebellion" actually is a vital step in child development. The early years are the enmeshed absorption years, where your child basically emulates you and generally likes you and wants to please you. Then comes puberty, sexual identity, and the beginnings of self-definition. If you're permitted to form a more individual identity at this point, you "come into yourself." If you're not given this freedom, then you struggle against nature and yourself to stay a child.
7. Teach them the blessing of obedience as well as honour. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”
And here I was planning on teaching my son compassion, and ethical decision-making skills. I'm not raising my son to be a sheep, a sacrifice, or a lump of clay. I'm raising him to be a man. When we describe a man we admire, how often do we start by saying, "Oh well he is so obedient!" (That we still consider this a positive trait in women bothers me, but social change takes time and I can read & vote & divorce & own property & sue for sexual harassment, so things are moving in the right direction.)
But not only teach them the blessing, but warn them of the danger of disobedience and disrespect. Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.” Proverbs 20:20 says, “Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.”
Listen to your mother, and I'll set the birds loose to peck your eyes out. Oh, and mommy & daddy & Jesus love you.
The obedience and respect that we are to teach them should not be only toward parents. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” We need to stress the importance of respect and obedience toward our pastor, teachers, etc. It’s a sad day that we are living in. I’ve never seen so much disrespect for elders among children. The saddest part about this is that much of it goes on in our own churches.
Ah, the appeal to simpler times. You know who always told me kids needed to respect their elders? My elders. Seems like there's a conflict of interest there, really. And of course, it was this unquestioning obedience and deference to elders which left me so unprepared for the sexual molestation a neighbor put me through. As a septuagenarian, he was certainly my elder, and I had been taught to obey my elders. I try to teach my own son to be nice to people, but to defend his body. (If somebody tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.)
I’m reminded of the story in II Kings when the little children came forth and mocked Elisha. God brought swift punishment on these children. If you love your children, you will teach them the importance of obedience and respect for their elders.
Respect your elders, or God will sic bears on you! So, why are you teaching your children this book is holy?
8. Teach them to one day teach their children. Psalm 78:1-7 says, “Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.” A favorite example of this is found in II Timothy 1:5 “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” Our desire for our children should not just be to see them grow up and remain faithful to the Lord. We should teach them to instruct their children also…and so on.
Because religion is hereditary. And I did the same thing. I prayed the Lord's prayer a few hundred times during my 98-hour labor, and I brought my son to church. I put him in Sunday School & read children's Bible stories to him. I was trying to share something important to me with my son, and did not recognize the brainwashing path I was leading him down. Fortunately, I woke up before any strong belief in Jesus was instilled. Still, this generational-faith description does make me tend to agree with Dawkins' statement that "faith is a virus."
That's all for today - come back tomorrow for E- Encourage Other Women. For now, enjoy my latest video :D
* When I get pissed, Little Man reminds me "Angry mommy? Stop, breathe, and think!"
** No, Steve did not die of a heroin overdose. The actor quit because he didn't want to go bald on national kid's TV. Seriously. I saw it on the 10 Year Anniversary Blue's Clues Special, which I absolutely did watch. Also, since there are two transition episodes featuring Steve and Joe, it's amazing that urban legend is still going around.
I do love me some counter-apologetics. What can I say, it gets my blood going early in the morning and revs me up. I can almost understand atheists who were raised in secular homes being completely uninterested by religion, but I'm always surprised when former-believing atheists don't seem to give a hoot. Isn't it sort of oddly fascinating to look at your old self through new eyes? I started writing this post a few months ago when I was reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy" but never finished it. I have a feeling this will be a multi-part post so I hope you're as eager as I am to rant on the misogyny of the Bible.
As a small Christian girl, I thought having children was the purpose and honor of women. I was molested as a child, and in the doctor's visit which eventually followed, I overheard the male gynecologist discussing with one of his nurse's the extent of damage done to me, and the likelihood that I might never successfully carry a child to term. It changed how I saw myself fundamentally. Between that sort of "failure" to be an actual woman, to bear children, my non-pure, non-virgin status, and the fact that I had somehow gotten the message that only men abuse and only women are victimized, I decided I couldn't be a good woman, and so I set about becoming a tomboy.
I changed my name to a boy's-style nickname for the next two years, cut my hair short, and joined the softball team. I didn't wear a dress once for four years. I thought if I could just be a boy, that I would be okay. If someone had told me boys were abused, too, I might not have gone this route. It seemed like the best way to keep myself safe at the time.
And oddly enough, it was. I don't know that it played any role in preventing future molestation or rape, but it separated me mentally and emotionally from the "woman's role in the home." I'd never been interested in cooking or cleaning; having kids was the part of womanhood I'd expected to like. Now that I believed that was gone, there was simply no reason to have that kind of Biblical marriage. By the time my grandmother told me she'd found a boy for me to marry (we were both 13; he lived in Montana and was the son of some of her followers - and we had never met), I had already given up on that lifestyle (and begun to experience the fun of secular hedonism).
I'm reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Chritian Patriarchy Movement" and it's disturbing how many of their beliefs match up with the cult teachings of my childhood. I could have been those women. So, let's see what kind of lifetime bullet I dodged, and what that childhood abuse may have actually saved me from. Looking at "The Woman's Role in the Home" by Christian homeschooling mother Rachel Harkins makes me want to wash out my eyes with bleach. Or acid.
I enjoy coming up with acrostics when I'm able, and as I was thinking on this topic the Lord gave me this acrositc for the word "HOME". H – Honour the Lord. In the old Webster’s 1828 dictionary, the definition for honour is – “To reverence; to manifest the highest veneration for, in WORDS and ACTIONS; to entertain the most exalted thoughts of ; to worship; to adore.” Before we, as Christian wives and mothers, can fulfill our role in the home, we must let Christ have first place in our lives. Sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees until we finally acknowledge that He is “All we have and All we need”. In order to explain this further, I’d like to share a brief testimony. The older I get, the more I enjoy sharing it because I realize the mercy and longsuffering that God has shown me.
Notice that she specifically uses the 1828 Webster's dictionary, and think about how much language has changed since then. Among the "Quiverfull" Christian homeschooling (home cult-ing) movement this edition has been deemed the "Christian dictionary", because as one nut put it, "The English language has changed again and again and in many instances has become corrupt. The American Dictionary of the English Language is based upon God's written word, for Noah Webster used the Bible as the foundation for his definitions." Tee-hee, "corrupt" language that includes new words like internet, drive-thru, electricity, and life support. Yes, I'm sure you couldn't possibly need any of the "corrupted" English from today's version of Merriam-Webster's dictionary. Oh, and who came up with that acrostic - her or the Lord? Seems a shame she can't give herself credit for figuring out 4 words or phrases beginning with common letters!
Now let's look at what she's saying. "Before you can be a good mom or wife, you have to put someone else first in your life, before your kids or husband." Ouchilogical: so illogical it hurts! And notice, too, the controlling relationship this woman imagines she has with God. He resorts to "getting our attention by bringing us to our knees" until we praise Him and give Him an ego blow job. Nice God, huh? Obviously the sort of chap you want to venerate, reverence, and worship.
I was raised in a Christian home where both parents loved the Lord. Since Dad took his family to church “every time the doors were open”, I heard the gospel at a very early age. My Mom told me I came to her when I was very young, wanting to be saved, but I have no remembrance of that time. My earliest memories of the Holy Spirit dealing with my young heart are when I was around the age of 5 or 6. I would lay in bed at night, afraid that Jesus had come back and taken my parents and I was left behind. Many times, I would quietly get out of bed and walk to my parents’ bedroom door where I would stand and call out to my mother. When she finally awakened and answered me, I was fine. Mom was still there. I could go to sleep now.
So, before her earliest religious memory at age 5 or 6 she had already been concerned for the state of her soul. And this is why I hate religion. I "got saved" the first time when I was 3. And remember, this is in a pro-Jesus testimony, this childhood fear of hell and of being left behind at the rapture. This woman didn't just hear the gospel; she was brainwashed into it. Also, at 5 or 6 the Holy Spirit would not have been "dealing with [her] young heart" if she'd been raised in a secular or Wicaan or Buddhist home, now would it? No "Holy Spirit" was leading her; that girl was terrified because her parents filled her head with nonsense about the end of the world, and about a supposedly-merciful God who will leave some people behind. Of course she had fears like this. Really, no supernatural explanation is required to understand the nighttime fears of a terrorized little girl.
It wasn’t until I was 8 years old that the Holy Spirit convicted me of my lost condition. It was on a Saturday night, Dad was at the Saturday night men’s prayer meeting and I was already in bed asleep. That night I dreamed that the rapture had taken place and I was not ready to go. I awakened in fear and went straight to my mother. After telling her about my dream and my fears of not being saved, Mom took her Bible and shared scripture with me. It was on that night that I made sure of my salvation.
The "lost condition" she refers to is her humanity; she was brainwashed and afraid of hell and abandonment. I responded to many alter calls myself, because there was no way to be really, really certain that the warm fuzzy feelings mean you're not going to hell.
In Job 33, starting with verse 12 the Bible says, “Behold, in this thou art not just: I will answer thee, that God is greater than man. Why dost thou strive against him? for he giveth not account of any of his matters. For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.”
So, God doesn't have to answer to anybody; who are ye to judge; and dreams are really messages from on high. Got any evidence Job?
And then starting in verse 24, “Then he is gracious unto him, and saith, Deliver him from going down to the pit: I have found a ransom. His flesh shall be fresher than a child’s: he shall return to the days of his youth: He shall pray unto God, and he will be favourable unto him: and he shall see his face with joy: for he will render unto man his righteousness. He looketh upon men, and if any say, I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not; He will deliver his soul from going into the pit, and his life shall see the light. Lo, all these things worketh God oftentimes with man, To bring back his soul from the pit, to be enlightened with the light of the living.”
Okay, ew on the fresh flesh. That's just a little too zombie apocalypse for me. Next, let't not forget who created this pit or who made us all born headed there. Gangbangers, junkies, and sex workers, here's the religion just for you. Admit you done wrong & fess up to the error of your ways and you can be a minister! It's just that easy. (Wanna know more? Just send $79.99 US to Angie the Anti-Theist for my introductory DVD "How to fleece idiots for their money in a religious context." Don't wait - Order NOW!)
That is my testimony. After praying with me, Mom showed me the verses in I John 5:11-13 “And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” I remember her emphasizing the word “KNOW”. I’m so thankful that we can KNOW!
That's your testimony? You know there are few *billion* people currently on the planet who don't have the son yet they have life. "Oh it's metaphoric" - How do you know, is there an asterisk? How can you tell which parts are metaphor and which are threats and which are histories and which are made-up bullshit to keep the peasants in line? Basically this girl has been terrorized into having nightmares about being abandoned and rejected at the rapture, so her mom says "Just believe this and you can KNOW you're okay!" Without, you know, actually doing anything to help the little girl BE okay (like assuring her no loving god would cast the majority of humankind into the fiery pits of hell.)
I’m ashamed to say that there was not much growth after salvation. I Corinthians 3:1,2 says “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.” Those verses describe me for the next several years. Oh, I had a “head knowledge” of the Bible. I knew all of the familiar Bible stories by heart and could quote many Bible verses, but I had no application of spiritual principles in my life. This immaturity led to my straying in my Jr. High and Sr. High School years. It wasn’t until after Jim and I were married that the Lord began dealing with me about certain things.
So from the time when she was 8 and her mother told her she could KNOW for certain she was getting into heaven (the ultimate life insurance policy, as we called it) till she was a young adult she did not live a serious, adult "faithwalk" and perhaps made more errors in judgment or more impulsive decisions. This is hardly surprising. The prefrontal cortex of the brain - responsible for impulse control, decision making, and advanced planning - does not finish developing in humans until the early 20s. I know I'm much better at those things than I was ten, or even five years ago. My brain's capacity to perform those thought functions has improved, and so have my choices. This has nothing whatsoever to do with a god, much less the specifically misogynistic Christian god, much less her unique personal and denominational version of Christian god. I too knew all the major Bible stories, and could numerous quote verses (and heal the sick and cast out demons and pray in the name of Jesus and prophesy the future, or at least I thought I could.) Dave asked me the other night when we were watching "Jesus Camp" why, if I believed as strongly as those kids did, didn't that stop me from doing drugs or having sex? Because of course, god wasn't real and he wasn't there to help me make good decisions. My prayers begging god to take my "freewill" from me went entirely unanswered; it wasn't until my brain developed further that I began to have some greater degree of control over my choices and actions.
Jim was saved the year before we were married and although I had been saved for several years now, we both were very young in the Lord. After our marriage, God led us to a little independent Baptist church and for the first time that I can remember in my Christian life, I began to hear preaching on the Christian walk. God began dealing with my heart about things that I needed to confess. Many nights, Jim would stay up and talk with me and then we would pray. This repentance brought forgiveness and some growth, through preaching as well as trials where we learned to lean on the Lord. Up until this time, however, I had no consistent personal time with the Lord. I knew I should be reading my Bible daily as well as praying, but my quiet time was more “hit and miss” as I allowed other things to take its place.
Two Christians decided to find a church in their area; they happened across one that put a lot of focus on legalism and following the rules of the Bible (as opposed to just the hippie Jesus message of KNOWING your saved.) They go through some good times and some bad, and put their faith in god to get them through. In reality, they get themselves and each other through. And someone actually had the gall to ask me yesterday if I would still "demean" religion if they didn't rape children, commit genocide, or advocate slavery! It still lies to children, oppresses women, and justifies the worst atrocities with bullshit platitudes about "god is love" and the "prince of peace". Fuck that. (Yes, my original admirable goal of keeping the blog largely profanity-free has taken a nose dive since the video posts, so I'm just gonna go with it. Let me know if it bugs you, Anteaters.
The turning point in my Christian life came in early ‘96. I had just given birth to our 5th child, Bethany, in December ’95 and I guess I experienced what some people would call a major case of “postpartum depression”. Unlike other times, I just couldn’t “bounce back” this time. I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, teacher, etc. I now had 3 children in grade school (we homeschooled), one toddler and an infant and I just didn’t know if I could do it all! Of course, in my eyes “nobody understood”, not even Jim. (Even though I remember him telling me not to worry about the schooling right then…….."just take your time, rest, start back when your ready".) I really didn’t feel like I could talk to anybody. There were many nights when I would get up, not wanting to disturb Jim, and just sit in a room by myself and cry. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, God was bringing me exactly to the place He wanted me to be.
Post-partum depression *sucks* and I wish this poor woman had been given access to secular therapy, psychotropic medications (if she wanted them), and practical assistance with some of the overwhelming tasks of motherhood. I can't even imagine caring for five children every single day, including an infant. An infant alone is enough to turn the cheeriest parents into wild-eyed narcoleptic zombies covered in spit up and poo. And as for the sadness and loneliness, well I've had more than a few days where I just fell on the floor sobbing - even once this week. Depression is a medical condition, not the action of a loving god. What kind of loving god curses this woman with a (totally naturally explainable and physical) mental illness in order to make her - who already praises him and accepts him and is clearly letting him dictate her womb's opening and closing - be more in line with his demands?
Finally, one night I got out of bed and as I sat there crying, I began calling out to God. In total desperation I cried, “Lord, You’re all I have, and You’re all I need.” THAT WAS IT! That was exactly where God wanted me…TOTAL surrender to Him!!!! Oh, what a sweet peace I felt that night……..a peace that passeth all understanding! I could never begin to try to express the burden that was lifted that night. It was after I gave the Lord first place in my life that I began to have a hunger for His Word like never before. I had such a strong desire to grow and this led to a consistent personal time with the Lord. As I said earlier, before we can fulfill our role in the home, we MUST let Christ have first place in our lives and sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees.
I've experienced that desire to grow in the Lord; I remember it well. And I remember the release that comes from not being the one making decisions, or bearing responsibility. The "peace of the Lord" is nothing more than completely letting go. I think that's why turning my life and affairs over to god felt so much like taking off for a roadtrip without money or a destination (or a car.) In fact, when I was on such roadtrips - totally reliant on luck, the weather, and the kindness of strangers - I felt the closest I ever did to god, outside of a worship service or revival. To me it sounds like Rachel started carving out a little quiet alone time each day, to sit and read and maybe drink her coffee in silence and solitude. The book is less important than you might think, and there are far better secular books available for getting through depression, loneliness, and the stress of parenting. (Some of the books are even comedies, which have the benefit of making you laugh.)
When we begin to honour the Lord in our lives, it will be evident not only in our words, but in our actions. Our love and adoration for Him will become so strong that just the THOUGHT of bringing a reproach to His name will grieve us. Truly honouring the Lord will change how we walk, how we talk, how we live. And, it will change the kind of wife and mother that we are. Our husbands will begin to notice a change in us. That perhaps “nagging wife” will turn into a “praying wife”. Our children will notice Momma reading her Bible more and more.
The "praying wife" is of course the woman who never expresses her concerns, displeasures, or contradictory opinions to her husband, and instead petitions god to let him know through some other (penis-centered) way. That certainly is a consequence of honoring the god of the Bible. I remember being scared to think blasphemous thoughts, and of not allowing myself to listen to any music with the word "goddamn" in it, because it made me too uncomfortable. (I'm looking at you, Panic at the disco.)
I read a quote the other day by Sis. Linda Townsend, a pastor’s wife, and I’d like to share it with you. “A house isn’t a home without the heart of the homemaker being right with God.” How true this is. We must have our hearts right with God before we can minister in our home as God would have us.
That's actually not true, at all. I live in a home entirely occupied by atheists/nontheists. Not a one of us is "right with God" and, even though I'm home all day and I perform the cooking, cleaning, and laundry functions for the household, I am not a fucking homemaker. I am an underpaid blogger, writer, activist, YouTuber, mother, lover, friend, and funny ass human being. I don't give two flying monkey's poop logs how a god would want me to minister. I'll take care of my family the way I see fit, because I am responsible for my own life.
This post has been brought to you by the letter H. Part 2 coming soon-ish (no promises these days lol.)
I've been wanting to add a couple new features to ATAT. I'm a big believer in forming an atheist community, not just outlets for intellectual expression, but also for forming friendships and establishing some of the social context for discussing all kids of issues, not just those about the first amendment, or biology, or Mormons, or his noodly appendage.
One of the most positive benefits I experienced from church community* was the share sense of responsibility for mankind. This was in the post-cult, Vineyard and Episcopalian years, but even as a young girl I enjoyed picking which charity I wanted to give my weekly ten cent tithe to. So I've been thinking a lot about how we could incorporate some of those same conversations about giving an charity and the good work we contribute to - with our finances, time, or energy - and kind of remind the world that we care, too. Not having any gods hasn't stopped us from caring about others; many of us who used to believe feel a more pressing need to take care of the most vulnerable on our planet, since we no longer think their struggles or suffering will all be made right in an afterlife.
November is breast cancer awareness month, and I lost my godmother - the most kind and affectionate maternal figure I had - to breast cancer April 19, 2007 and it still hurts. But I'm seeing myself more and more as someone who champions children's rights and children's causes So, while I'm sure the folks at the Susan G. Koman Foundation would be glad of a donation, this month I've decided to feature One Laptop Per Child.
The mission of One Laptop per Child (OLPC) is to empower the children of developing countries to learn by providing one connected laptop to every school-age child. In order to accomplish our goal, we need people who believe in what we’re doing and want to help make education for the world’s children a priority, not a privilege.
OLPC’s mission is to provide a means for learning, self-expression, and exploration to the nearly two billion children of the developing world with little or no access to education. While children are by nature eager for knowledge, many countries have insufficient resources to devote to education—sometimes less than $20 per year per child (compared to an average of $7,500 in the United States). By giving children their very own connected XO laptop, we are giving them a window to the outside world, access to vast amounts of information, a way to connect with each other, and a springboard into their future. And we’re also helping these countries develop an essential resource—educated, empowered children.
The internet led me to atheism. Google helped me discover my grandmother was a cult leader. The pro-anorexia movement, for all its faults, kept me alive and somewhat sane during the darkest years of my life. We all know how empowering the internet can be, and how much someone with little money can learn - and how connected they can be with other ideas and other people - if they have access to the free information and communication on the web.
For everyone who wished you could donate to the Atheist Association of Uganda, here is one way you can help children in Uganda and other parts of the world, living amidst superstition, war, and ignorance. If you have the funds and would like to support this charity, you can go here to donate to One Laptop per Child. For $199 US you can buy a laptop for a child in th developing world (which used to called third-world.) If you'd like to promote this charity yourself, I'd greatly appreciate it. I think this is a wonderful secular charity with goals we can all get behind.
*I said it was a positive aspect of the community, not the religion so don't get all excited, theist readers :)Read more!
I know at least a few ATAT readers weren't allowed to celebrate the Devil's Holiday growing up, like me. I remember being sent to bed early that night every year. We usually had an hour between when we went to our rooms and had to turn the lights off, and my siblings and I were all big readers at that age (my brother and I still are). But on Halloween night, we had to turn all the lights in the house off early, to discourage trick-or-treaters. Of course, that never worked and some huge mob of kids would stand outside, ringing the doorbell and caroling "Trick or treat!"
"Get back, Satan!" I screamed through the screen of my bedroom window. "We don't have any candy and we don't want you!" That was honestly the most fun part about Halloween the way my family did it - yelling at the heathen kids.
We moved to Iowa when I was in 4th grade, so that was my first time trick-or-treating. Since we had no friends, it was just me and my sister, on a street with a bunch of poor grad students who hadn't thought to buy a bowl of frigging candy, or else were out getting sloshed somewhere. By the time we got back to Florida's warm weather (it's in the 80s today, y'all) I was too old to run around begging for candy, and too young to do much else.
About 8 years back I discovered the Sacred Grounds costume party. I don't know that it's as big an affair now as it was when the coffeehouse had more business a couple years ago, but it was fantastic. Everyone goes all out. I've seen everything from a black man dressed as a KKK member, to a lesbian Harry Potter, to the most-convincing all-night performance of Anna Nicole Smith I ever want to see. (Seriously, after the first two hours no one wanted him to be so in character anymore.) This is the first year Little Man is old enough to really "get" Halloween. He's been talking the vocab words from school for weeks - pumpkin, bat, Halloween, trick-or-treat, and scary. We carved my first-ever pumpkin a couple weeks ago, which means it's already rotted and been tossed. (How was I supposed to know? It's not like my parents ever carved a pumpkin with me.) I hid his costume two weeks ago after he refused to change out of it for a dirty pull-ups change without tears and recriminations. (He calls it his "zupa zuit" or "super suit". So cute.)
I'm really jazzed about tonight. I'm just wearing a pumpkin t-shirt with some big old purple fairy wings because an actual costume sounds like too much fun if I gotta pull the big red wagon of preschooler and candy all night :) Two years ago Little Man was Captain Hook and it was adorable - he still had Shirley Temple ringlets at the time, and the little tiny frock coat was perfect. But between the giant feathered hat, the lace cuffs on the frock coat, and the hook-hand it was way too much for him to hold onto. (He loved the hat though.) This year Little Man is dressed as Buzz Lightyear in a really simple lightweight non-flammable one piece.
My son attends public school through funding for special education preschoolers (Hooray for the one thing NCLB got right - paraprofessionals and speech therapists!) His teacher is fantastic, and he'll be with her for all of this year and next year. The staff even put together a big birthday present for him, because they know I'm unemployed and struggling financially. I love my kid's school.
So here's the problem. They sent home a big catalog for fundraising. It's like all the fundraisers rolled into one - chocolates, infomercial-type kitchen gadgets, ugly costume jewelry, and of course, wrapping paper. Here's where things get sticky. In this 39 page catalog, 13 pages offer Christmas items, 1 page offers CHRISTIAN Christmas items (Bible verses and nativity scene wrapping paper; angel tree ornaments; books of "Bible Verses for Kids"), 1 page with 2 items for Hanukkah (1 dreidel wrapping paper, 1 dreidel book - Jews only get a half page, because the rest is filled with secular chocolate). There is nothing for Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Yule, or Festivus. There is no neutrality, by sticking with secular themes like winter. (There's some gift bags on one of the not-Christmas pages that just feature snowmen on them.)
So, essentially, the school just asked my kid to sell Christmas and Christian knickknacks, to raise money for his public secular government-run school. And that bothers me. It bothers me because Hanukkah isn't the only "other" winter holiday. It bothers me because I know for a fact some of the kids in his class have Muslim parents (or an atheist parent). It bothers me because I don't want to make a fuss, but I don't want my kid selling religious paraphernalia. (I would rather he smokes pot in high school than experiment with youth groups.)
It bothers me, because I feel like I'm going to risk jeapordizing my son's excellent education, by asking his school to uphold the Constitution. It bothers me that the one way to contribute that the school has asked of me is so exclusive. It bothers me because Christian products shouldn't be sold in public school fundraisers, and religious companies shouldn't get a cut of what my son makes raising money for PUBLIC school. (I went to Christian school and we never sold this stuff - We just did World's Finest Chocolate. If my son had brought those home, I would have bought a case and the whole thing would have been a non-issue. Plus then I'd have chocolate.)
So, rather than posting a link for people to contribute to my kid's school by purchasing fundraiser items, like I originally planned to do (before reviewing the products), I'm going to call the principal on Monday. I'm going to explain the issue I have with the fundraiser they've chosen (or the School Board has chosen) and then ask what specific items the classrooms need. Once I have that list from her, I'll set up an account for his school on Donors Choose. That way if anyone's interested in helping out (and able to - I do *know* about the recession) they can directly contribute, instead of going through a third-party middle man.
The magazine is put out by American Fundraising Services, Inc. which is apparently a LOCAL group. I'm going to be calling them, too. And the School Board. I'm not going to demand that they discontinue this year's fundraiser (it wouldn't work). I actually do want these schools to be fully funded. I wish that happened through taxes instead of turning our kids into salesmen to pay for their own educations, but that's not the school's fault. I understand that they have to pick A fundraiser - I just don't want them using this one again once whatever contract they have expires.
Would you call me a militant atheist? Do you think his principal will? How bad could this turn out for my kid? What would you do? Should I just shut up, say nothing, buy nothing, and not rock the boat (because my special needs 4 year old is in that boat)?
UPDATE: I talked with the school social worker this morning. (She's awesome-nice and already knows I'm an atheist.) She helped me work on exactly what to say and then I contacted the principal. Then SHE told me that the PTA picks the fundraisers, but that there will be incentives/prizes and that I can contact them if I'm concerned. (She turned down my Donors Choose option, saying that I can just ignore this one and give to another fundraiser later. Sort of missing my point that I can't donate to the school without endorsing religious indoctrination creeping into school.) The entire school district website is down today, so I haven't been able to contact the PTA yet, but I'll keep posting updates as I know more. So far, two out of two have been respectful, nice, and understanding (even if the principal missed the whole "unconstitutional" angle.)Read more!
I liked Christian school. On my first day, all the kids gathered on the playground as their parents dropped them off, and played on the giant wooden roundabout, the long swing set, and the many slides. As we gathered into lines by grade, and I lined up with the second grade class, the petite dark skinned girl in front of me turned around and said, "Hi, our moms are friends. I'm Brooke. We should be best friends, too!" And so we were. And it really was that easy to join the social workings of the group. My cousin and I were instantly accepted, although Jason had a lot more shyness to contend with than I did.
I was friends with most with of the girls, and he was friends with most of the boys, and so we were the only two kids in class exempt from cooties. My friend Natalia might say, "Boys have cooties" and then, at a look from me she'd add, "except Jason." Likewise, he kept my reputation unsullied by the dreaded gender germ.
My teacher Mrs. Dempsey was married to the pastor of the church that owned the school. We went to a different church, so I only saw him as he lead Wednesday chapel services during school, but I thought she was wonderful. I've run into her over the years and over a decade a later she still recognizes me from the 8 year old girl I once was, and is happy to greet me in a grocery store or library. A few years after we left, we learned that Mr. Dempsey had been having an affair with - who else? - the church secretary.
Of all the philandering pastors, I'm maddest at him, because there are few people as genuinely loving as Mrs. Dempsey, and he blew it. Their two boys had graduated from the school's high school by then, so there was no pretense of staying for the kids. She stayed here in town with her head held high, and he was the one who left in shame.
Read more!
I was the perfectionist who never tried. My grandmother had almost Calvinistically predestined roles for each family member to fill; my aunt Sally was the "sick one" she could baby; my mom was the "dependable one" she could manipulate and exploit; my brother was the "disobedient one" she could take out her anger on; my sister was the "good one" she could show off as an example of her superior parenting; and I was mini-Gig.
It was fairly easy to see the damage she was doing to my brother David. He acted out in his misery and anger, and go kicked out of multiple schools for bringing weapons and building bombs. He would fight me physically sometimes, and I would lose pathetically. But at other times, he defended me from neighborhood bullies and, in his scapegoat family role, he took a lot of the abuse from Gig away from the rest of us.
Likewise, my sister Esther was clearly affected. She was an obvious people pleaser at a very young age, and I remember her crying and screaming the day she got a "B" on her report card in second grade. She vowed to never get another "B" again. She didn't. But for the matter of an odd weighting system, my sister would have been valedictorian of her high school (instead she was a straight A salutatorian). My mom saw my sister's perfectionist tendencies and recognized them as a burden she dealt with also. I think she was able to directly refute some of the messages Gig was giving my sister, and I think it probably helped.
I was the perfectionist who never tried. I was supposed to be supernaturally good like Esther, supernaturally smart like David (who was already fixing home appliances and electronics in elementary school), and be supernaturally spiritual like Gig. As a child I always felt this tremendous pressure, not to live up to my siblings, but to live up to all the adults in my life. I felt like I had accomplished nothing in my ten years on earth because I couldn't contemplate ever being as successful (or more successful) than them. So I didn't try. I could never be as good as Esther, and frankly, the effort to reward ratio looked pretty crappy. Esther didn't get grounded and spanked as often as I did, but she spent hours doing chores or making other people happy, while I largely watched TV and played in the backyard between punishments.
My Christian teen years, I felt so isolated from the other youth group members. None of them had sex, or at least not as young as I did. None of them did drugs, or at least not as often as I did. At the time they looked like prep school elitists to me - there was no way trailer park Angie would be good enough for them. So I found ways to make people like me without being good enough. I was never the friend with a lot of cash to spend in high school, but I had a car and I had big ideas. I could find something for us to do, even if it was just playing "Soup!" and confusing all the pedestrians. But like with my own family and my sister, I felt I could never impress God with my goodness, because there would always be people who wore holier, sweeter, kinder than I was, or else more maternal or domestic or womanly, or more obedient, devoted, and reverent. I was loud, sometimes extremely socially awkward, with undiagnosed mental problems, and a lot of drug use. There's no way I could get on God's good side based on my behavior compared to the ideal of Christian youth I'd been presented with for years by Focus on the Family Brio! subscriptions (the vapid and vacuous teen girl magazine).
The "Ask Holly" section never included real pertinent questions like, "Am I still a good friend if I narc on someone who looks like they might have ODed?" or "My period is two weeks late - what do I do?" The questions were always so theologically simple I could have recited responses in my sleep. "My brother is a jerk sometimes, but I know God wants us to love everyone. How can we get along?" I doubt the girl who wrote that long-ago letter (or more likely the Dobson intern who did) had a brother who karate kicked her in the head or threw her into coffee tables. If she did, then the crappy advice about praying, submitting, and talking things over with her parents probably didn't do her any good.
For all that I was "sinning" my ass off, I voluntarily went to church each week and my mom was largely willing to go with denial as her choice response to my actions. Because my rebellion appeared contained, unlike my brother's sometimes frightening pain, and because I didn't show signs of overt people pleasing, my mom believed that the close relationship I had with Gig was beneficial. But rebellious and obedient - the two roles my siblings had been assigned - were both obvious when manifested. I spent years desperately trying to figure out what my family assignment was, and finally deduced that I was chosen to be spiritual. Since being spiritual didn't involve being good, for Gig or for me, I didn't have to follow rules. I didn't have to get good grades - I wasn't the smart one. I didn't have to dress the way she likd - I wasn't the pretty one. I figured out exactly how much was required fo me, did that as perfectly as I could, and didn't even try anything outside that scope.
So I became as spiritual as I could, which really means that I believed in as many fairy tales as I could, with the most intensity I could. I believed that demons were at warfare with Christians and that I had been chosen by Gig and God to do battle against them. I believed that I had the power to heal people through my laying of hands and my words of prayer. I thought that if I could just say the right phrase, or the right trigger word, I could get God to move in amazing ways in my life. I spent hours, smoking joints and reading the Bible, trying to get as close to God, as close to Gig, as possible. Read more!
For all that I'd just as soon leave the home birth itself out of the discussion, there's no getting around it. In the past year and a half I've come to see my grandmother as a cult leader. What I would like to forget is that she was a homebirth cult leader, and so I think I should clarify my position (as it stands today) here. First, yes - birth is a "miracle". It's also a) gross and b) common. It's a miracle that happens all day every day, and is really only significant to the people involved and their loved ones. (Sorry, I think my kid's special too, but let's not use the word "miracle" lightly, shall we?)
I had these concepts figured out at an early age, because I had such a high exposure to birth - much more than most people. I have to think that the average person really only attends so many births in their life - their own, their children, possibly grandchildren or the children of a very close friend or sibling. I saw strangers give birth, women who I hadn't met till they were already in the active stages of their labor. Birth feels exceptional, because it is really freaking cool to see a new person (or kitten or puppy) come out into the world for the first time ever. But babies somewhere have been born in the time I've been writing this post. (And the time between writing this and posting it. And between when I posted it and you read it.) So I think de-mythologyzing birth might be helpful.
Pregnancy is a medical condition. Stop going on about your "wonderfully made" natural body, okay? God didn't knit your womb together and it might have problems (especially if the other women in your family did).
Obviously a certain level of infant mortality at home and in hospitals is going to happen, especially in cases where a woman chose not to abort a fetus showing signs of developmental problems (which is, and should be, her right) or the child is born preterm (between 24 and 34 weeks gestation). But is home birth just as safe as hospital birth? Well, in large part that can be measured by how closely the homebirth resembles a hospital birth. If the mother receives proper prenatal, ultrasounds, tests for protein in the urine, rh-negative blood type, and every other thing imaginable that they can get from a little blood and urine.
It was at one of these prenatal visits that I found out I'm a carrier for cystic fiborsis (a very not-fun genetic disorder). Because I found out before my son was born, I was able to get my ex-husband's blood tested also, to see what our chances were of having a seriously sick child from Day One. He came back negative, so my son is fine. He might be a carrier like I am - I'll recommend he gets tested before knocking anybody up. The point is, if Little Man had been sick, the prenatal exams would have helped me find out and prepare in advance. In the three days that I waited for the lab results to come back, I learned a lot about CF. If Little Man had been born with that condition, I could have prepared.
Another measure of birth safety is the availability of proper medical equipment. If your midwife doesn't know how to stitch a perinea l tear, you might be SOL. In my personal hierarchy of "awesome" to "deadly" births, I'd rank things thusly:
Hospital birth following extensive prenatal care
Birthing center birth following extensive prenatal care
Hospital birth without extensive prenatal care
At-home birth with medically trained professionals*, following extensive prenatal care
At-home midwife birth without extensive prenatal care
Unassisted childbirth following extensive prenatal care
Unassisted childbirth without extensive prenatal care
*One important note - Your doula is not a midwife. She is a cheerleader, not a medical professional. You can have her there if you want her, by all means, but don't stop at a doula.
The safest birth you can have starts one year before the woman is even pregnant, when she's eating right, sleeping right, and not smoking cigarettes. Then she gets pregnant, and is able to provide good nutrition during pregnancy. The woman in her family have fairly uncomplicated pregnancies and labors. She learns she is pregnant often, goes to all of her prenatal exams, and attends birth and parenting classes with her partner. She suffers few of the side effects most pregnant woman experience, from morning sickness to pre-eclampsia, and continues to exercise and eat well (but more). She writes up a birth plan and discusses with her doctor when certain medical interventions may be used, well in advance of her due date. She goes to the hospital during early labor, and spends active labor and delivery there. She is surrounded by trained medical professionals and top-of-the-line life saving equipment. The baby is born, cleaned, examined for health, and given to the new mommy to hold and nurse.
The closest you can get your birth experience to that one, the fewest complications you'll have.
Now, does someone wanna please fix the Wikipedia article on Home Birth? I can't personally stomach it, but the thing is so damn biased. I'm sorry but the freebirthers are no better than the anti-vax crowd, and they need to have a damn bright spotlight shone on them. I say this with several family members who have chosen unassisted homebirth over the years, including within the last decade. I say this with several family members - both mothers and their children - were in mortal danger or at least appeared to be for some time during their labors. Three of the babies were born in meconium (fetal poop), and since they weren't born in a hospital, nothing was done to expel any meconium the babies may have swallowed in the womb. (Meconium is much more likely to be an issue in a pregnancy that extends past 40 weeks gestation. While I'm not a fan of elective cessarians, most women undergoing prenatal care with the supervision of a licensed OB/GYN will not have this particular threat to their babies' health. At a certain point, around 41 weeks usually, the doctor will recommend inducing labor chemically, using Pitocin.)
These were also days-long labors that had a serious toll on the mothers. My own labor with Little Man was 98 hours (4 days) and I can't even put into words how tired I was, and how unable to care for an infant. I really needed the two days after that I got to spend in the hospital, pushing my Magic Button and saying, "I'd like an apple juice and a Percocet, and can someone change my baby's diaper?" I think every mom deserves that (hell, I think it should've been a week but that time is long gone now). When women birth at home, they don't get the same level of aftercare. The most devoted husband in the world can't compare with a round-the-clock staff of nurses and doctors, as well as a nursery to care for the baby between feedings. Out of the desire for a comfortable birth experience, they have what is, in my opinion, a much less comfortable recovery. (Percocet is seriously great stuff if you've just gone through the trauma and the horror that is live birth.)
So in a nutshell, I think hospital births are safer, for mothers and infants. I think if your mother had a rough labor, you should seriously consider (read: DO) giving birth in a hospital. And if your wife, girlfriend, sister starts telling you that her body was "designed for birth" and that labor and delivery are "totally natural" and that she wants to "trust her body" - tell her to get her ass to a hospital. Or at least to some good skeptical resources.
Between one and five children in the United States die every month from medical neglect for religious reasons. On average it's about fifty to sixty kids each year. In a country of over 3 million, some might not understand why I pick these sixty kids to fight for. (What does it say about "faith healing" that all the Google results are either about trials and deaths, or advertisements promising "Faith healing works!")
I was in the faith healing movement from the time I was born (at home, with no medical assistance) through my late teens. Only one child I personally knew died during that time. But I also know that for every child who is prayed to death represents a hundred more who do not get the basics in physical care. Kids that live with asthma and no inhaler, or diabetes with no insulin. Kids that break bones or get into bad cuts or scrapes. As long as government has one set of laws for most of us, and a different set of laws for those whose religious insanity requires their children to suffer, these sixty kids will die each year and hundreds more will suffer needless pain.
But even that's not the whole story. A doctor is someone in a position of authority who is not the person brainwashing you at home. Isolationism is a major component of a cult, and ours was no different. Our government finds it perfectly legal for parents to educate their children at home, and to deny them medical care if the stated reason is religious belief. So I was home-schooled for a time, home-churched for a while, home-healed for decades, and mentally home-bound. There was no outside, disinterested third-party, like a doctor or a teacher, able to discern that abuse was going on in my home, who would be bound by law and custom to report it to authorities.
I used to babysit little girls in the cult, five sisters. They were 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 years old - and even the oldest one couldn't read. They were being home-schooled by their parents, who had neither one graduated high school. Since they were so withdrawn from secular resources, not only did they not get a proper education (or any real education at all), they had no medical care. Add to that the fact that every one who knew them well enough to know what was going on agreed with them, and you have five girls out there who got a screwed-up start, at best.
When my brother reported our situation to HRS (now CPI) they did a slap-dash cursory investigation. No one had warned me that this was even going on. I got called to the principal's office from my second grade classroom at Riverhills Christian School. There was a police officer in Mr. Oppenheimer's office, and he asked me all sorts of questions. I had no idea what this was really supposed to be about, but when he asked me questions about Gig and how she treated David (horribly) I panicked and started confession to both my brother and sister shoplifting at the Circle K around the corner from our house (but left out my own thieving from the story). I told him my parents were good and fine and my brother was just disobedient. And without further investigation, they believed me, and we got no help. I was seven, my sister was nine, and my brother had just turned twelve. Once the "investigation' was over, my grandmother exacted revenge on David. Within two months my brother didn't live with us anymore. I don't know all the details of what went into that decision, from my mother's point of view, but I know she deeply regrets it now.
How can let someone tell you to give up your son? Why simple - follow a religion that claims that is the ultimate proof of God's love. Abraham and Isaac. God and Jesus. Killing your own child, or rather sacrificing your child, is presented as the greatest good in the Bible.
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.[c] 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." (emphasis mine)
Not only does this favorite evangelical passage praise God's "love" for us because he killed/allowed to be kiled/sent to be killed his son, it also confirms where the Bible says atheists are going. (Sorry compassionate Christians, but your Bible says we're condemned already.)
Don't let more kids remain isolated and ignorant. Indoctrination works best when there's no opposing views to counter. Even something as simple as an annual visit to the doctor for a physical would give these times some time with the kind of aduklt who doesn't beleive in magic faith healoing and who knows what numerous bruises are likely to indicate. Please sign my petition to get religious exemption language removed from the HR 3200 health care bill. Because sixty kids dying of witchcraft superstition in America in the 21st century is intolerable.
URGENT: If you do nothing else today, sign and share this petition on HR 3200: Prayer is Not Medical Care. Protect children and elderly from federally funded medical neglect.
Sign this petition asking Senators to move forward with the House-passed HR 911 bill to end Institutionalized Child Abuse in residential youth facilities, wilderness "experiences", and "boot camps".
Hey Anteaters! So I've been thinking about it and I really should have a page listing all the counter-apologetics I've done, with links and titles and other helpful things. So here's a quick link location for anyone wanting to share my analyses with others :)
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