Courtship Promises pt. 1

Well, today I'm going to talk about something my mom only jokingly threatened me with, but that many Christian teenagers are forced into: Courtship. I'll be using writings by Bill Gothard. Before anyone gets upset that this isn't *their* version of Christianity & therefore I'm unfairly judging all Christians, here is my brand spanking new Angie the Anti-Theist General Christian Disclaimer.

There is no universal consensus among Christians on the life and teachings of Jesus, the primary message of the Gospel, the role of Old Testament laws in today's society, or the proper way to live a "Christian life." Therefore, I will address the multitudes of differing beliefs within Christianity. If you feel that your particular ideology, sect, denomination, or version of Christianity has been unfairly excluded, please let me know and I'll be sure to cover why I don't share your beliefs either.

Are we good now?

What is Courtship?
Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for marriage and to discern the will of God for a covenant marriage that will benefit the world.

While the actual manifestation of a courtship relationship will vary because no two couples are alike, one of the primary motivations behind courtship (as opposed to dating) is the protection of the emotions of those involved until the time when it is clearly God’s will to proceed into marriage.

Okay, I've got a problem from the opening clause, "Courtship is experiencing." That is an active verb. It's an action - "experiencing." But that's really a broad verb, when you think about it. I mean, we have sensory experiences and means of experiencing the world around us. We don't seem to have any measurable way of "experiencing" blessing, however. What exactly does "experiencing the blessing of God" mean in practical, measurable terms? My brother the physicist (oh yay! the only other atheist) has this quote as his email tagline -

"When you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind."
- Lord Kelvin

You can see why he's the other atheist, can't you? Okay, so courtship is something that frankly hasn't really been defined. We know it's about "honoring both sets of parents" though...

I have to ask, how are emotions protected by going through your parents? If one person doesn't want to move forward, there's still gonna be rejection. Besides, minimizing the risk of dating also minimizes some of the rewards. I learned a LOT about myself over the years, and some of that I learned from men and women I dated. I'm still in friendly contact with ex-boyfriends from as far back as seventh grade. (Hi, Micah!) Even though there's pain and loss in dating, I don't think that's a reason to completely forgo the exercise. Alright, let's get into the meat of this.

Foundational Principles of Courtship

I'm intrigued already. Foundational principles of "experiencing God's blessing"? I can hardly wait.

1. Ensure the blessing of God

The greatest asset of any person or marriage is God’s blessing. “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22).

Since the Bible isn't nearly as pro-marriage as most contemporary Christians (I was gonna type modern, but then realized that might not be the best description for some of these people), I'm going to look up that verse in context. This is a passage about wisdom, like many of the proverbs are. It is not about marriage, marital love, male-female love, or procreation or children. There are early verses in the passage comparing a wise and foolish son, bringing joy and shame to parents, but they're a good ten verses before the one Bill Gothard quoted. Here's a little context for you,

20The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth.
21The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.
22The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
23It is as sport to a fool to do mischief: but a man of understanding hath wisdom.
24The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted.

That's just not about marriage. Nice try, Bill. But let's see how Bill thinks a couple can "ensure" the Lord's blessing for their marriage.

No couple will have a happy or prosperous marriage without the blessing of the Lord. If God does not bless them, the devourer will damage and destroy their present and future joy and potential.

Wow, I guess we can blame "the devourer" for all those failed Christian marriages. Or maybe we're supposed to blame the Lord for not blessing their marriages, and allowing the devourer to wreak so much havoc? Oh wait, silly me. This is Christianity! People are to blame for everything bad, and God gets credit for everything good. It's simple, really. Okay, so no getting married until you have God's blessing. Of course, that hasn't been defined yet and we're still not sure how to "ensure" you get it.

A blessed marriage is described in the following passage: “Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table” (Psalm 128).

I don't want to be a vine - fruitful or otherwise! I don't want to live in another man's house. I want to live in my house. And I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't see my son as an olive plant or any other possession.

It sounds like a man gets blessed by fearing the Lord and walking in his ways. Again, dating isn't mentioned. There is no verse saying, "Thou shalt not watch a movie with a member of the opposite sex without appropriate Christian chaperones" but that's the message I got as a Christian teen. From youth group to Brio to that stupid hated "Worth Waiting For" necklace of my sister's, the idea that dating was somehow wrong was clearly communicated. Somehow it's "unChristian" or "worldly" to date, but really, this isn't territory that's covered in the Bible.

In the Old Testament, if you liked a girl you just bought her from her dad, or raped her first and then bought her. In the New Testament, well, Jesus never married and neither did Paul, Paul was pretty adamantly against marriage. I'll get into that more later, but for now let me just say, the Bible isn't particularly pro-marriage. The gross assumption on the part of many conservative Christians that marriage is somehow "sacred" or "holy" in God's eyes simply isn't supported by the text (which is why good old Bill here will use verses completley out of context.)

Now let's address this assertion that "No couple will have a happy or prosperous marriage" unless they did it Bill Gothard's way. Divorce statistics for Christians and non-Christians in the US are fairly stable. Born-again Christians and Baptists get divorced at the highest rate (according to an Associated Press survey) and atheists at the lowest rate. Conservative states like Oklahoma and Alabama have a 50% higher incidence of divorce than liberal states like Maine and Washington. Apparently, the Bill Gothard style of marriage fails more often. Now, if you think that at least some of these Christian marriages that succeed are doing so because of the Lord's blessing, how do you account for the successful non-Christian marriages? Surely Bill doesn't think the Lord has bestowed his blessing on heathens. Clearly, there are happy (or at least in tact) marriages among non-Christians. The "destroyer" has not had his merry way with them. How does Bill account for this, I wonder?

We'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out. Part 2 coming soon, Anteaters. I may as well let you in on my decreased posting. I've been having really awful and frequent periods, and they're taking a toll on me. I've had four since I moved to Denver two months ago. I've basically been half-zombie, but I talked with a midwife friend who told me what I can do and take to feel better, so I hope to be more alert and active soon. Till then, be well and have great and godless days.

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The Last Straw

This is part 2 of the excerpt "The Last Week" detailing the end of my marriage. Part 1 is available here.

I sat in the bend the huge blue sectional, with mountains of laundry piled up on either side and the baby in bouncer in front of me, and cried. It seemed like I was crying all the time. Ronnie and I fought constantly. He hadn't quit drinking when I had moved in, like he had promised, or when we got married, or after the honeymoon. Now our son was born and I was struggling to find a way to keep our rent and electric bills paid, but there was perpetually a 12-pack of Budweiser in the fridge. When we'd first met, he was drinking Miller High Life and other cheaper beers, but since we got married, he was enjoying the fruits of my better paying job.

I was in pain, with my right ankle propped up in front of me. I had spent the day taking care of Little Man and doing laundry - five loads of the Little Man's cloth diapers, my spit-up and milk stained shirts, and Ronnie's dirty work clothes and aprons - by crawling from the couch to the stacked washer/dryer in our front closet. I'd never wanted a cast so badly in my life.

...

I looked at the clock on the bedside table - 2 am. I was alone in the bed. Little Man was sleeping in a plastic laundry basket lined with blankets beside me and Ronnie was gone. (I'd planned on co=sleeping and we hadn't bought a crib, but then I'd been worried about dropping my son off the bed, or else of Ronnie drunkenly smothering him if I placed him between us.) I sat up in the bed and used the manual breast pump to collect a 6 ounce bottle, then crawled along towards the kitchen to put the bottle in the fridge.

I came out of the room and saw the kitchen light on and heard voices. What the hell was RJ doing over here at 2 in the bleeding morning? I hastily buttoned my pajama top and, using the wall beside me, rose up to standing and started to hobble their way. It wasn't RJ - it was some man I'd never met before. He and Ronnie didn't notice me at first.

*Sniff!* Ronnie straightened up and caught my eye, a rolled up dollar stuck in his nose, making him look utterly stupid and pathetic. It wasn't the worst thing he'd done, by far, it was simply the last. He'd promised to quit drinking, and had lied. He'd spent money we didn't have on things we didn't need. He'd yelled at me and humiliated me and stolen my post-partum Percocet. He'd cashed in Little Man's change jar just the week before for weed money. I didn't have the word for it yet, but he'd raped me too. Doing lines of blow with some guy I didn't know off my kitchen counter at 2 o'clock in the morning wasn't the worst thing Ronnie did in our three-month marriage, but it was the last.

I don't remember if I scolded or screamed or just gave him a look of disgust and crawled back to bed. The next day, with the help of my sister's husband, I moved back home to my mother's.

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"The Woman's Role in the Home"

I do love me some counter-apologetics. What can I say, it gets my blood going early in the morning and revs me up. I can almost understand atheists who were raised in secular homes being completely uninterested by religion, but I'm always surprised when former-believing atheists don't seem to give a hoot. Isn't it sort of oddly fascinating to look at your old self through new eyes? I started writing this post a few months ago when I was reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy" but never finished it. I have a feeling this will be a multi-part post so I hope you're as eager as I am to rant on the misogyny of the Bible.

As a small Christian girl, I thought having children was the purpose and honor of women. I was molested as a child, and in the doctor's visit which eventually followed, I overheard the male gynecologist discussing with one of his nurse's the extent of damage done to me, and the likelihood that I might never successfully carry a child to term. It changed how I saw myself fundamentally. Between that sort of "failure" to be an actual woman, to bear children, my non-pure, non-virgin status, and the fact that I had somehow gotten the message that only men abuse and only women are victimized, I decided I couldn't be a good woman, and so I set about becoming a tomboy.

I changed my name to a boy's-style nickname for the next two years, cut my hair short, and joined the softball team. I didn't wear a dress once for four years. I thought if I could just be a boy, that I would be okay. If someone had told me boys were abused, too, I might not have gone this route. It seemed like the best way to keep myself safe at the time.

And oddly enough, it was. I don't know that it played any role in preventing future molestation or rape, but it separated me mentally and emotionally from the "woman's role in the home." I'd never been interested in cooking or cleaning; having kids was the part of womanhood I'd expected to like. Now that I believed that was gone, there was simply no reason to have that kind of Biblical marriage. By the time my grandmother told me she'd found a boy for me to marry (we were both 13; he lived in Montana and was the son of some of her followers - and we had never met), I had already given up on that lifestyle (and begun to experience the fun of secular hedonism).

I'm reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Chritian Patriarchy Movement" and it's disturbing how many of their beliefs match up with the cult teachings of my childhood. I could have been those women. So, let's see what kind of lifetime bullet I dodged, and what that childhood abuse may have actually saved me from. Looking at "The Woman's Role in the Home" by Christian homeschooling mother Rachel Harkins makes me want to wash out my eyes with bleach. Or acid.

I enjoy coming up with acrostics when I'm able, and as I was thinking on this topic the Lord gave me this acrositc for the word "HOME". H – Honour the Lord. In the old Webster’s 1828 dictionary, the definition for honour is – “To reverence; to manifest the highest veneration for, in WORDS and ACTIONS; to entertain the most exalted thoughts of ; to worship; to adore.” Before we, as Christian wives and mothers, can fulfill our role in the home, we must let Christ have first place in our lives. Sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees until we finally acknowledge that He is “All we have and All we need”. In order to explain this further, I’d like to share a brief testimony. The older I get, the more I enjoy sharing it because I realize the mercy and longsuffering that God has shown me.

Notice that she specifically uses the 1828 Webster's dictionary, and think about how much language has changed since then. Among the "Quiverfull" Christian homeschooling (home cult-ing) movement this edition has been deemed the "Christian dictionary", because as one nut put it, "The English language has changed again and again and in many instances has become corrupt. The American Dictionary of the English Language is based upon God's written word, for Noah Webster used the Bible as the foundation for his definitions." Tee-hee, "corrupt" language that includes new words like internet, drive-thru, electricity, and life support. Yes, I'm sure you couldn't possibly need any of the "corrupted" English from today's version of Merriam-Webster's dictionary. Oh, and who came up with that acrostic - her or the Lord? Seems a shame she can't give herself credit for figuring out 4 words or phrases beginning with common letters!

Now let's look at what she's saying. "Before you can be a good mom or wife, you have to put someone else first in your life, before your kids or husband." Ouchilogical: so illogical it hurts! And notice, too, the controlling relationship this woman imagines she has with God. He resorts to "getting our attention by bringing us to our knees" until we praise Him and give Him an ego blow job. Nice God, huh? Obviously the sort of chap you want to venerate, reverence, and worship.

I was raised in a Christian home where both parents loved the Lord. Since Dad took his family to church “every time the doors were open”, I heard the gospel at a very early age. My Mom told me I came to her when I was very young, wanting to be saved, but I have no remembrance of that time. My earliest memories of the Holy Spirit dealing with my young heart are when I was around the age of 5 or 6. I would lay in bed at night, afraid that Jesus had come back and taken my parents and I was left behind. Many times, I would quietly get out of bed and walk to my parents’ bedroom door where I would stand and call out to my mother. When she finally awakened and answered me, I was fine. Mom was still there. I could go to sleep now.

So, before her earliest religious memory at age 5 or 6 she had already been concerned for the state of her soul. And this is why I hate religion. I "got saved" the first time when I was 3. And remember, this is in a pro-Jesus testimony, this childhood fear of hell and of being left behind at the rapture. This woman didn't just hear the gospel; she was brainwashed into it. Also, at 5 or 6 the Holy Spirit would not have been "dealing with [her] young heart" if she'd been raised in a secular or Wicaan or Buddhist home, now would it? No "Holy Spirit" was leading her; that girl was terrified because her parents filled her head with nonsense about the end of the world, and about a supposedly-merciful God who will leave some people behind. Of course she had fears like this. Really, no supernatural explanation is required to understand the nighttime fears of a terrorized little girl.

It wasn’t until I was 8 years old that the Holy Spirit convicted me of my lost condition. It was on a Saturday night, Dad was at the Saturday night men’s prayer meeting and I was already in bed asleep. That night I dreamed that the rapture had taken place and I was not ready to go. I awakened in fear and went straight to my mother. After telling her about my dream and my fears of not being saved, Mom took her Bible and shared scripture with me. It was on that night that I made sure of my salvation.

The "lost condition" she refers to is her humanity; she was brainwashed and afraid of hell and abandonment. I responded to many alter calls myself, because there was no way to be really, really certain that the warm fuzzy feelings mean you're not going to hell.

In Job 33, starting with verse 12 the Bible says, “Behold, in this thou art not just: I will answer thee, that God is greater than man. Why dost thou strive against him? for he giveth not account of any of his matters. For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.”

So, God doesn't have to answer to anybody; who are ye to judge; and dreams are really messages from on high. Got any evidence Job?

And then starting in verse 24, “Then he is gracious unto him, and saith, Deliver him from going down to the pit: I have found a ransom. His flesh shall be fresher than a child’s: he shall return to the days of his youth: He shall pray unto God, and he will be favourable unto him: and he shall see his face with joy: for he will render unto man his righteousness. He looketh upon men, and if any say, I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not; He will deliver his soul from going into the pit, and his life shall see the light. Lo, all these things worketh God oftentimes with man, To bring back his soul from the pit, to be enlightened with the light of the living.”

Okay, ew on the fresh flesh. That's just a little too zombie apocalypse for me. Next, let't not forget who created this pit or who made us all born headed there. Gangbangers, junkies, and sex workers, here's the religion just for you. Admit you done wrong & fess up to the error of your ways and you can be a minister! It's just that easy. (Wanna know more? Just send $79.99 US to Angie the Anti-Theist for my introductory DVD "How to fleece idiots for their money in a religious context." Don't wait - Order NOW!)

That is my testimony. After praying with me, Mom showed me the verses in I John 5:11-13 “And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” I remember her emphasizing the word “KNOW”. I’m so thankful that we can KNOW!

That's your testimony? You know there are few *billion* people currently on the planet who don't have the son yet they have life. "Oh it's metaphoric" - How do you know, is there an asterisk? How can you tell which parts are metaphor and which are threats and which are histories and which are made-up bullshit to keep the peasants in line? Basically this girl has been terrorized into having nightmares about being abandoned and rejected at the rapture, so her mom says "Just believe this and you can KNOW you're okay!" Without, you know, actually doing anything to help the little girl BE okay (like assuring her no loving god would cast the majority of humankind into the fiery pits of hell.)

I’m ashamed to say that there was not much growth after salvation. I Corinthians 3:1,2 says “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.” Those verses describe me for the next several years. Oh, I had a “head knowledge” of the Bible. I knew all of the familiar Bible stories by heart and could quote many Bible verses, but I had no application of spiritual principles in my life. This immaturity led to my straying in my Jr. High and Sr. High School years. It wasn’t until after Jim and I were married that the Lord began dealing with me about certain things.

So from the time when she was 8 and her mother told her she could KNOW for certain she was getting into heaven (the ultimate life insurance policy, as we called it) till she was a young adult she did not live a serious, adult "faithwalk" and perhaps made more errors in judgment or more impulsive decisions. This is hardly surprising. The prefrontal cortex of the brain - responsible for impulse control, decision making, and advanced planning - does not finish developing in humans until the early 20s. I know I'm much better at those things than I was ten, or even five years ago. My brain's capacity to perform those thought functions has improved, and so have my choices. This has nothing whatsoever to do with a god, much less the specifically misogynistic Christian god, much less her unique personal and denominational version of Christian god. I too knew all the major Bible stories, and could numerous quote verses (and heal the sick and cast out demons and pray in the name of Jesus and prophesy the future, or at least I thought I could.) Dave asked me the other night when we were watching "Jesus Camp" why, if I believed as strongly as those kids did, didn't that stop me from doing drugs or having sex? Because of course, god wasn't real and he wasn't there to help me make good decisions. My prayers begging god to take my "freewill" from me went entirely unanswered; it wasn't until my brain developed further that I began to have some greater degree of control over my choices and actions.

Jim was saved the year before we were married and although I had been saved for several years now, we both were very young in the Lord. After our marriage, God led us to a little independent Baptist church and for the first time that I can remember in my Christian life, I began to hear preaching on the Christian walk. God began dealing with my heart about things that I needed to confess. Many nights, Jim would stay up and talk with me and then we would pray. This repentance brought forgiveness and some growth, through preaching as well as trials where we learned to lean on the Lord. Up until this time, however, I had no consistent personal time with the Lord. I knew I should be reading my Bible daily as well as praying, but my quiet time was more “hit and miss” as I allowed other things to take its place.

Two Christians decided to find a church in their area; they happened across one that put a lot of focus on legalism and following the rules of the Bible (as opposed to just the hippie Jesus message of KNOWING your saved.) They go through some good times and some bad, and put their faith in god to get them through. In reality, they get themselves and each other through. And someone actually had the gall to ask me yesterday if I would still "demean" religion if they didn't rape children, commit genocide, or advocate slavery! It still lies to children, oppresses women, and justifies the worst atrocities with bullshit platitudes about "god is love" and the "prince of peace". Fuck that. (Yes, my original admirable goal of keeping the blog largely profanity-free has taken a nose dive since the video posts, so I'm just gonna go with it. Let me know if it bugs you, Anteaters.

The turning point in my Christian life came in early ‘96. I had just given birth to our 5th child, Bethany, in December ’95 and I guess I experienced what some people would call a major case of “postpartum depression”. Unlike other times, I just couldn’t “bounce back” this time. I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, teacher, etc. I now had 3 children in grade school (we homeschooled), one toddler and an infant and I just didn’t know if I could do it all! Of course, in my eyes “nobody understood”, not even Jim. (Even though I remember him telling me not to worry about the schooling right then…….."just take your time, rest, start back when your ready".) I really didn’t feel like I could talk to anybody. There were many nights when I would get up, not wanting to disturb Jim, and just sit in a room by myself and cry. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, God was bringing me exactly to the place He wanted me to be.

Post-partum depression *sucks* and I wish this poor woman had been given access to secular therapy, psychotropic medications (if she wanted them), and practical assistance with some of the overwhelming tasks of motherhood. I can't even imagine caring for five children every single day, including an infant. An infant alone is enough to turn the cheeriest parents into wild-eyed narcoleptic zombies covered in spit up and poo. And as for the sadness and loneliness, well I've had more than a few days where I just fell on the floor sobbing - even once this week. Depression is a medical condition, not the action of a loving god. What kind of loving god curses this woman with a (totally naturally explainable and physical) mental illness in order to make her - who already praises him and accepts him and is clearly letting him dictate her womb's opening and closing - be more in line with his demands?

Finally, one night I got out of bed and as I sat there crying, I began calling out to God. In total desperation I cried, “Lord, You’re all I have, and You’re all I need.” THAT WAS IT! That was exactly where God wanted me…TOTAL surrender to Him!!!! Oh, what a sweet peace I felt that night……..a peace that passeth all understanding! I could never begin to try to express the burden that was lifted that night. It was after I gave the Lord first place in my life that I began to have a hunger for His Word like never before. I had such a strong desire to grow and this led to a consistent personal time with the Lord. As I said earlier, before we can fulfill our role in the home, we MUST let Christ have first place in our lives and sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees.

I've experienced that desire to grow in the Lord; I remember it well. And I remember the release that comes from not being the one making decisions, or bearing responsibility. The "peace of the Lord" is nothing more than completely letting go. I think that's why turning my life and affairs over to god felt so much like taking off for a roadtrip without money or a destination (or a car.) In fact, when I was on such roadtrips - totally reliant on luck, the weather, and the kindness of strangers - I felt the closest I ever did to god, outside of a worship service or revival. To me it sounds like Rachel started carving out a little quiet alone time each day, to sit and read and maybe drink her coffee in silence and solitude. The book is less important than you might think, and there are far better secular books available for getting through depression, loneliness, and the stress of parenting. (Some of the books are even comedies, which have the benefit of making you laugh.)

When we begin to honour the Lord in our lives, it will be evident not only in our words, but in our actions. Our love and adoration for Him will become so strong that just the THOUGHT of bringing a reproach to His name will grieve us. Truly honouring the Lord will change how we walk, how we talk, how we live. And, it will change the kind of wife and mother that we are. Our husbands will begin to notice a change in us. That perhaps “nagging wife” will turn into a “praying wife”. Our children will notice Momma reading her Bible more and more.

The "praying wife" is of course the woman who never expresses her concerns, displeasures, or contradictory opinions to her husband, and instead petitions god to let him know through some other (penis-centered) way. That certainly is a consequence of honoring the god of the Bible. I remember being scared to think blasphemous thoughts, and of not allowing myself to listen to any music with the word "goddamn" in it, because it made me too uncomfortable. (I'm looking at you, Panic at the disco.)

I read a quote the other day by Sis. Linda Townsend, a pastor’s wife, and I’d like to share it with you. “A house isn’t a home without the heart of the homemaker being right with God.” How true this is. We must have our hearts right with God before we can minister in our home as God would have us.

That's actually not true, at all. I live in a home entirely occupied by atheists/nontheists. Not a one of us is "right with God" and, even though I'm home all day and I perform the cooking, cleaning, and laundry functions for the household, I am not a fucking homemaker. I am an underpaid blogger, writer, activist, YouTuber, mother, lover, friend, and funny ass human being. I don't give two flying monkey's poop logs how a god would want me to minister. I'll take care of my family the way I see fit, because I am responsible for my own life.

This post has been brought to you by the letter H. Part 2 coming soon-ish (no promises these days lol.)

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