Woman's Role in the Home pt. 4

Finally, we can put this misogyny behind us. The first post on this topic is here - use the Google search bar the bottom to find the others (or anything else you're looking for.)

E - Encourage Other Women. Again, in Titus 2:3-5, Paul speaks of the aged women’s responsibility to teach the young women. I just want to touch on this briefly because this can pertain to the woman’s role in the church as well as the home. I really believe that we as Christian ladies are lacking in this area and it is a burden on my heart.

The average Christian woman is not living up to the Biblical mandates given by Paul - check.

We need some Titus 2 women…women who will take the TIME to teach and encourage the young women and yes, it does take time. This teaching needs to start in the home as we train our daughters to be “Titus 2 young women”. And then, we need to be encouraging the young women in our church to pattern their lives according to the principles found in God’s Word.

Anybody else think this would make more sense if she'd told us what a Titus 2 woman was? Well, then I'll do it for her. From the BibleGateway.com NIV, Titus chapter 2, verses 3 thru 5:

3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Okay, "Don't be an addict" is pretty good advice for anybody, whatever their sex or gender (or age.) As for loving your children, well no one had to train me in that. I have certainly read up on and listened to the counsel of others in matters of teaching him, helping him, and caring for him, but no one had to teach me to love him. Likewise, no had to train me to love my friends, so it would appear my modern Western concept of "love" is not what's being referred to here. No, instead this is about subjection. Will this teaching the older women are doing help the younger women to live happy lives, to have healthy children, or to be fulfilled intellectually and emotionally? No. That isn't the purpose at all. The whole point is "so no one will malign the word of God" and since I know I'm not the only loud-mouthed atheist or non-Christian out here, I think this means "so that these women will not malign the word of God." Which of course, is the word Paul was writing at the time? Hmmm....

Well, let's see what other nuggets of wisdom Paul has to offer in his second letter to Titus.

9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

Huh. Sounds awfully similar, now that I look at them back to back like this. Alright, let's finish up with Rachel.

I came across this poem the other day in a little publication called WOMEN IN THE HARVEST, and it is so fitting for what I’m speaking of. I’d like to share it in closing. The title of the poem is: SHOW ME THE WAY by Karen Groves

Show me the way, dear mother,
Teach me to obey;
Keep yourself modest, innocent and pure,
For I’m following your footsteps each day.

Show me the way to stay a child, long after I am grown

Teach me, mother, to keep my tongue,
To always watch and pray;
Some unkind word coming from my lips
Could hinder me from sharing God’s way.

Teach me to keep silent, the golden rule of the dysfunctional home.

Mother, could you show me
How my husband and children to love?
For one day God will bless me and
Another crown will be for you above.

For your worth is found in your hymen as a bride, in your womb as a wife, and in your seed as a senile old woman, right?

Help me to make good judgments, mother
So when I’m a keeper at home;
I will not make some awful mistake
Like many others we have known.

Awful mistakes like allowing children the opportunity to make friends with people outside our fanatical religious cults, or treating our daughters like "people."

Walk a little plainer, mother,
For one day I will be like you;
Working willingly for family and friends,
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?

No, your body is not an altar and your life was not made to be someone else's sacrifice. Trust me, it's better this way.

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Woman's Role in the Home pt. 2

This is part 2 of my response to Rachel Harkins on The Woman's Role. In our first installment of the HOME acronym, we made it through "H for Honour" - that's right, it's not just Honor, it's Honour with a U. Last time, Rachel wrote about god sometimes needing to "bring us to our knees" to us properly in submission. I'll let you fill in the imagery on your own.* Moving on.

O – One Flesh. Genesis 2:20-25 gives the account of God creating Woman. We know that Eve was created for Adam to be an help meet, according to verse 18. Then, in verse 23 we read Adam’s response when God brings Eve to him. In verse 24 we see how God describes the union of man and woman. He says that they shall be “one flesh”.

Not to go all grammar geeky, but I did copy edit my Giggy's manuscripts starting at age 10. The a/an rule for H is as follows: If the H is pronounced, say a; if it's silent, say an. I consider it an honor to be heading to hell in a handbasket. See how that works?

On to my actual substantive as opposed to neurotic notes, I have so much to say about what's wrong with Adam and Eve that I have posts here, here, here, and here on the subject. But I don't think I've really gone into the misogynistic qualities of the story yet, and this seems like the appropriate venue to do so. Notice we don't have Eve's response to Adam? We don't hear if Adam is pleasing to her, or if she desires him as a helpmeet, mate, lover, or spouse. We are told what the male god thinks and the male human. Of the woman, we aren't told her feelings or thoughts. What did Eve think of Adam or Eden or God? It's as if she had no desires or feelings of her own, which is of course the end aim of Quiverfull: Complete subordination of will to another. It's important within complimentarianism, when using rigid gender roles, to remind yourself that women are supposedly inferior to man - last made and first deceived. Surely, if men and women were really and truly equal, constant submission would never be approrpriate.

What does it mean to be “one flesh”? Several times in the New Testament, this term is mentioned in reference to a husband and wife, and each time, it speaks of two becoming one…..two individuals….man and woman…becoming one. When the two become one, there is now only one head….the husband. Ephesians 5:23 – “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: …” So, we’re not talking about some “two-headed” monster. Since the husband is to be the head of the home, the wife’s role in the home is to be in submission to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. To be in submission means “to yield, resign or surrender to the power, will or authority of another”.

Ugh, hang on a minute while I try not to vomit. (pause) Okay, I think I'll be okay. Imagine viewing cooperation as a "two-headed monster." Rachel here thinks having a say, a voice, a vote in her marriage would make things worse in her life. I don't want to yield, resign or surrender to the power, will, or authority of another. That's *slavery* and it's not something I'm going to sign up for! It bothers me to see so many who do.

Let me add right here, this is NOT just an outward act. True submission comes from within the heart. It’s very easy to submit on the outside and all the time be rebelling on the inside. If you are trying to live like that, I guarantee that you are having constant turmoil within. Real peace only comes when we acknowledge the God-given role of our husband as the head and we in submission to them.

This like telling a rape victim "Don't fight it." As soon as you quit trying to have any autonomy, then you'll feel better? Well, yes, in a way. Evolution has made us innately obedient in some capacities, with built-in deference to authority. Which is why it matters so much to me that we remove the illusion of authority from institutions and men who do not truly possess any. The fact that my ex-husband had a Y chromosome and a penis did not make him a good steward, decision maker, person, human being, or even mammal. (Even my cats hated him.) I saw him two days ago, on my way home from running errands, standing on the sidewalk, holding a sign advertising same day tax returns, in a Lady Liberty smock and funny hat and the sunglasses I bought him on our honeymoon. I cannot express how glad I am I did not submit to his will and authority. Since I left him, he has gone to jail 3 times for domestic battery against 3 different women (thank you, public records system.) Rachel is saying you should not only submit outwardly - allowing the Male One in all his penis-given wisdom to make every decision, without ever once complaining - but that you should also submit inwardly. Convince yourself this is what you want, and that it's nice not to have to make any decisions or be responsible for your own choices. Oh, and on a grammar note, I did not edit her work at all so each "..." was in this where I found it on LearntheBible.

Not only is there peace in submission, there is also protection. I wish I had been taught the BLESSING of submission as a young wife but unfortunately I am learning that many years later. Just a few years after we were married, God blessed us with our first child…..a new responsibility for both of us. One by one, as the babies came along, my responsibilities grew. In 1990, after much prayer, we began to homeschool our children. I now had a full-time/over-time “job” and I needed to realize my limitations. I just couldn’t do everything.

Being a mindless slave is the essence of letting go - in worship to god, in a submissive marriage, or in a BDSM dungeon. So is suicide. That doesn't mean it's a way to live your entire life, or that it's how every woman *should* live, for the crime of being a menstruating creature. Grrrrr. Moving on, God blessed them with an absence of contraception, check. Doing everything yourself in a marriage sucks, check. So is she gonna ask hubby to help out around the house or with the kids more?

I used to have a hard time saying “No” when asked to be in charge of or take part in a particular event. Because of this, I would find myself many times “in over my head” with responsibilities. Since the only kind of involvement our family had was church or homeschool related, these events were “good” in themselves but also very time-consuming. If you have ever found yourself in this situation, you will have to admit that most of the time some area will be neglected and many times it is your own family. It wasn’t until I really began to acknowledge in my heart that Jim was the head of our home, that I had the freedom to say “No” when needed. Before, when I was asked to do things I would either say “Yes”, knowing in my heart that I shouldn’t be taking on anything else, or I would say “No” and then worry about it for weeks. Now, I go to my husband and tell him the situation, we discuss whether I should or shouldn’t agree to something and then I can give an answer. Either, “Yes, my husband said I could” or “I’m sorry, my husband said he didn’t think I should be taking any more on right now.” When Jim discourages me from doing something, he is simply protecting me from “overloading” myself. The best part about this is that I can walk away with a perfect peace, knowing that I did the right thing. You may think this is silly, but it’s a blessing to me.

Yes, Master. Whatever you say, Master. She's just describing poor interpersonal boundries. Instead of learning to say no to people on her own, she completely gave up her personal boundaries between her and her husband and is allowing HIM to say no for her.

With submission there is an inner peace and there is protection. Let me add quickly about the protection. Since we are teaching courtship with our children as opposed to dating, our daughters have that protection knowing that any young man has to go through Daddy first. If God allows them to marry, that protection will be passed from Daddy to their husband.

Can't let the girls have a moment of freedom and independence - after all, if you did that they might never choose a life of submission and servitude.

So, being one-flesh with your husband, where two become one, means acknowledging that there is only one head now and that head is your husband as you submit inwardly as well as outwardly to him.

And here all those years I was a Christian, I thought it meant that once a couple got married they were gonna do it and make babies.

Quickly, I want to mention a few other things in reference to a woman’s role as a wife and then I’ll move on. Proverbs 31:11,12 says “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Our husbands should not have to worry about their needs being met in the home, whether physical or material.

Okay there's a difference between being a trustworthy, loving partner (what that verse describes IMO) and pampering a grown man. The idea that after I've worked all day (trust me, what these Quiverfull women do all day in the home is some serious backbreaking work), I would want to follow someone around meeting their every desire (without, you know, EVER getting my desires met) is just... gross? Contemptible? Unappealing, to say the very, very least.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” When two become one….one-flesh…their priorities change. They now should be concerned about pleasing their spouse.

No "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache." No "I'm nine months pregnant and I just don't feel like it". No "Get OFF me!!" You can only abstain from sex in the marriage if it is by consent of both partners, which means you can't say no. Yes, spousal rape can happen. Saying "I do" to wedding vows, despite what Rachel and the Bible (and the Koran) might say, does not mean you sacrifice all rights to personhood and physical safety. Whether you are a man or a woman, you deserve to be safe from violence and sexual assault, especially within your home. Verses, teachings, and mentalities like this create a culture where abuse is justified, and rape goes under-reported, and often untreated. And it sucks.

Verses 32-34 of that same chapter speaks on this: “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Let me add right here. So many young unmarried adults, desiring to be married but waiting on the Lord, often wonder what exactly their “purpose” is as a single Christian. This passage deals with that question as well.

Wow, talk about a sweet deal for the menfolk! Now the way she's supposed to honor god is by making *you* god! Put up your feet honey. Here's a beer and a casserole and the remote. Would you like a backrub or a blowjob while you watch football? Hey, there's nothing wrong with offering your man (or woman) any of those things. Being nice is nice. Being enslaved, belittled, demeaned, and submitted isn't. It's the difference between living under an expectation and offering your lover a treat, acting out of a sense of obligation or a sense of gratitude.

And then, in the book of Titus, chapter 2, Paul lists characteristics and duties of both the aged and young men and women. Verse 4 says that the aged women are to teach the young women and one of the things they are to teach them is to love their husbands. How are they to teach this? I believe they are to teach by example. This may seem “elementary” to you…I would imagine that every married lady in here, if asked, would say, “Yes, I love my husband.” But, do our actions show it? Does our husband know that, after however many years of marriage, he’s still the most wonderful man….that you’d marry him all over again? Do your children know that Momma and Daddy love each other?

Well, those aren't the questions to start with. First you have to ask IS your husband the most wonderful man? WOULD you marry him again? DO you still love each other? You do have to ask those questions first. My ex-husband got furious, and played the hurt card, once when I "dared accuse" him of being a bad provider. He got all upset, wounded by my accusation - but it was true. The electricity got shut off that month, and I was working 30 hours a week, while doing all of the childcare, all of the housework, and about five loads of laundry per day (hello, cloth diapers, how I do not miss you even one teeny tiny bit.) There was no food in the fridge, but there was beer. Much more important than convincing my son or myself how in love with him I am, was getting the hell away from him, where I can freely hate him from a safe distance (although not nearly as distant as I would like.)

Also, Rachel is elevating the words of Paul to gospel (no pun intended.) She is acting as though his ideas on the role of women were God's. Possibly because I had a female preacher grandmother, or possibly because she actually told me this and I've just forgotten, but I always had the idea that what Paul said about women and families was his opinion, whereas what he said about Jesus (and what Jesus said about anything) where facts. Of course, I also thought Moses was a real guy and Jonah lived in a fish's belly, so it's not like I was totally rational and on top of things.

There's a long and badly told story about going to the Dollar Tree in the mall with her kids. I will spare you and pare it down.

Courtney wanted to show me a picture frame she had seen that was just “perfect” for Daddy and I... It looked just like a license plate…a red one with gold numbers and letters. The “license number” was NUTZ 4 U and the state was the “state of bliss”. I loved it! ... As I thought about this later, it thrilled my heart to know that our 20 year-old daughter knows that Momma and Daddy are still “nuts” about each other. I believe, aside from parents that truly love the Lord, the best gift you can give your children are parents that love each other.

The inside of me is screaming, so I'll try to remain calm. 1) Dollar Tree 2) Stupid novelty gift 3) The girl is 20 and lives at home and goes to the Dollar Tree in the mall with her mom and many siblings 4) Where she looks at gifts for her parents 5) because she isn't allowed to date and she isn't married yet. 6) Anybody else feeling all kicky?



Oh, and parents that love each other is probably more helpful than parents who love the lord, but what would be most beneficial would be parents who loved their children.

That's all for today! M-Mold Your Children (shudder) is coming up next and I have another Messin' with Mormons on my blog to-do list for the next month. I'm gonna be doing a podcast episode with Brian Sapient and Darth Josh of Rational Response Squad soon, and next week I'll be doing an interview with Cameron Reilly on No Illusions. Thanks to everybody for all your help getting the word out! I'll be sure to post everything here when it's available :D

* I mean scrubbing floors, you perv!

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"The Woman's Role in the Home"

I do love me some counter-apologetics. What can I say, it gets my blood going early in the morning and revs me up. I can almost understand atheists who were raised in secular homes being completely uninterested by religion, but I'm always surprised when former-believing atheists don't seem to give a hoot. Isn't it sort of oddly fascinating to look at your old self through new eyes? I started writing this post a few months ago when I was reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy" but never finished it. I have a feeling this will be a multi-part post so I hope you're as eager as I am to rant on the misogyny of the Bible.

As a small Christian girl, I thought having children was the purpose and honor of women. I was molested as a child, and in the doctor's visit which eventually followed, I overheard the male gynecologist discussing with one of his nurse's the extent of damage done to me, and the likelihood that I might never successfully carry a child to term. It changed how I saw myself fundamentally. Between that sort of "failure" to be an actual woman, to bear children, my non-pure, non-virgin status, and the fact that I had somehow gotten the message that only men abuse and only women are victimized, I decided I couldn't be a good woman, and so I set about becoming a tomboy.

I changed my name to a boy's-style nickname for the next two years, cut my hair short, and joined the softball team. I didn't wear a dress once for four years. I thought if I could just be a boy, that I would be okay. If someone had told me boys were abused, too, I might not have gone this route. It seemed like the best way to keep myself safe at the time.

And oddly enough, it was. I don't know that it played any role in preventing future molestation or rape, but it separated me mentally and emotionally from the "woman's role in the home." I'd never been interested in cooking or cleaning; having kids was the part of womanhood I'd expected to like. Now that I believed that was gone, there was simply no reason to have that kind of Biblical marriage. By the time my grandmother told me she'd found a boy for me to marry (we were both 13; he lived in Montana and was the son of some of her followers - and we had never met), I had already given up on that lifestyle (and begun to experience the fun of secular hedonism).

I'm reading "Quiverfull: Inside the Chritian Patriarchy Movement" and it's disturbing how many of their beliefs match up with the cult teachings of my childhood. I could have been those women. So, let's see what kind of lifetime bullet I dodged, and what that childhood abuse may have actually saved me from. Looking at "The Woman's Role in the Home" by Christian homeschooling mother Rachel Harkins makes me want to wash out my eyes with bleach. Or acid.

I enjoy coming up with acrostics when I'm able, and as I was thinking on this topic the Lord gave me this acrositc for the word "HOME". H – Honour the Lord. In the old Webster’s 1828 dictionary, the definition for honour is – “To reverence; to manifest the highest veneration for, in WORDS and ACTIONS; to entertain the most exalted thoughts of ; to worship; to adore.” Before we, as Christian wives and mothers, can fulfill our role in the home, we must let Christ have first place in our lives. Sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees until we finally acknowledge that He is “All we have and All we need”. In order to explain this further, I’d like to share a brief testimony. The older I get, the more I enjoy sharing it because I realize the mercy and longsuffering that God has shown me.

Notice that she specifically uses the 1828 Webster's dictionary, and think about how much language has changed since then. Among the "Quiverfull" Christian homeschooling (home cult-ing) movement this edition has been deemed the "Christian dictionary", because as one nut put it, "The English language has changed again and again and in many instances has become corrupt. The American Dictionary of the English Language is based upon God's written word, for Noah Webster used the Bible as the foundation for his definitions." Tee-hee, "corrupt" language that includes new words like internet, drive-thru, electricity, and life support. Yes, I'm sure you couldn't possibly need any of the "corrupted" English from today's version of Merriam-Webster's dictionary. Oh, and who came up with that acrostic - her or the Lord? Seems a shame she can't give herself credit for figuring out 4 words or phrases beginning with common letters!

Now let's look at what she's saying. "Before you can be a good mom or wife, you have to put someone else first in your life, before your kids or husband." Ouchilogical: so illogical it hurts! And notice, too, the controlling relationship this woman imagines she has with God. He resorts to "getting our attention by bringing us to our knees" until we praise Him and give Him an ego blow job. Nice God, huh? Obviously the sort of chap you want to venerate, reverence, and worship.

I was raised in a Christian home where both parents loved the Lord. Since Dad took his family to church “every time the doors were open”, I heard the gospel at a very early age. My Mom told me I came to her when I was very young, wanting to be saved, but I have no remembrance of that time. My earliest memories of the Holy Spirit dealing with my young heart are when I was around the age of 5 or 6. I would lay in bed at night, afraid that Jesus had come back and taken my parents and I was left behind. Many times, I would quietly get out of bed and walk to my parents’ bedroom door where I would stand and call out to my mother. When she finally awakened and answered me, I was fine. Mom was still there. I could go to sleep now.

So, before her earliest religious memory at age 5 or 6 she had already been concerned for the state of her soul. And this is why I hate religion. I "got saved" the first time when I was 3. And remember, this is in a pro-Jesus testimony, this childhood fear of hell and of being left behind at the rapture. This woman didn't just hear the gospel; she was brainwashed into it. Also, at 5 or 6 the Holy Spirit would not have been "dealing with [her] young heart" if she'd been raised in a secular or Wicaan or Buddhist home, now would it? No "Holy Spirit" was leading her; that girl was terrified because her parents filled her head with nonsense about the end of the world, and about a supposedly-merciful God who will leave some people behind. Of course she had fears like this. Really, no supernatural explanation is required to understand the nighttime fears of a terrorized little girl.

It wasn’t until I was 8 years old that the Holy Spirit convicted me of my lost condition. It was on a Saturday night, Dad was at the Saturday night men’s prayer meeting and I was already in bed asleep. That night I dreamed that the rapture had taken place and I was not ready to go. I awakened in fear and went straight to my mother. After telling her about my dream and my fears of not being saved, Mom took her Bible and shared scripture with me. It was on that night that I made sure of my salvation.

The "lost condition" she refers to is her humanity; she was brainwashed and afraid of hell and abandonment. I responded to many alter calls myself, because there was no way to be really, really certain that the warm fuzzy feelings mean you're not going to hell.

In Job 33, starting with verse 12 the Bible says, “Behold, in this thou art not just: I will answer thee, that God is greater than man. Why dost thou strive against him? for he giveth not account of any of his matters. For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.”

So, God doesn't have to answer to anybody; who are ye to judge; and dreams are really messages from on high. Got any evidence Job?

And then starting in verse 24, “Then he is gracious unto him, and saith, Deliver him from going down to the pit: I have found a ransom. His flesh shall be fresher than a child’s: he shall return to the days of his youth: He shall pray unto God, and he will be favourable unto him: and he shall see his face with joy: for he will render unto man his righteousness. He looketh upon men, and if any say, I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not; He will deliver his soul from going into the pit, and his life shall see the light. Lo, all these things worketh God oftentimes with man, To bring back his soul from the pit, to be enlightened with the light of the living.”

Okay, ew on the fresh flesh. That's just a little too zombie apocalypse for me. Next, let't not forget who created this pit or who made us all born headed there. Gangbangers, junkies, and sex workers, here's the religion just for you. Admit you done wrong & fess up to the error of your ways and you can be a minister! It's just that easy. (Wanna know more? Just send $79.99 US to Angie the Anti-Theist for my introductory DVD "How to fleece idiots for their money in a religious context." Don't wait - Order NOW!)

That is my testimony. After praying with me, Mom showed me the verses in I John 5:11-13 “And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” I remember her emphasizing the word “KNOW”. I’m so thankful that we can KNOW!

That's your testimony? You know there are few *billion* people currently on the planet who don't have the son yet they have life. "Oh it's metaphoric" - How do you know, is there an asterisk? How can you tell which parts are metaphor and which are threats and which are histories and which are made-up bullshit to keep the peasants in line? Basically this girl has been terrorized into having nightmares about being abandoned and rejected at the rapture, so her mom says "Just believe this and you can KNOW you're okay!" Without, you know, actually doing anything to help the little girl BE okay (like assuring her no loving god would cast the majority of humankind into the fiery pits of hell.)

I’m ashamed to say that there was not much growth after salvation. I Corinthians 3:1,2 says “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.” Those verses describe me for the next several years. Oh, I had a “head knowledge” of the Bible. I knew all of the familiar Bible stories by heart and could quote many Bible verses, but I had no application of spiritual principles in my life. This immaturity led to my straying in my Jr. High and Sr. High School years. It wasn’t until after Jim and I were married that the Lord began dealing with me about certain things.

So from the time when she was 8 and her mother told her she could KNOW for certain she was getting into heaven (the ultimate life insurance policy, as we called it) till she was a young adult she did not live a serious, adult "faithwalk" and perhaps made more errors in judgment or more impulsive decisions. This is hardly surprising. The prefrontal cortex of the brain - responsible for impulse control, decision making, and advanced planning - does not finish developing in humans until the early 20s. I know I'm much better at those things than I was ten, or even five years ago. My brain's capacity to perform those thought functions has improved, and so have my choices. This has nothing whatsoever to do with a god, much less the specifically misogynistic Christian god, much less her unique personal and denominational version of Christian god. I too knew all the major Bible stories, and could numerous quote verses (and heal the sick and cast out demons and pray in the name of Jesus and prophesy the future, or at least I thought I could.) Dave asked me the other night when we were watching "Jesus Camp" why, if I believed as strongly as those kids did, didn't that stop me from doing drugs or having sex? Because of course, god wasn't real and he wasn't there to help me make good decisions. My prayers begging god to take my "freewill" from me went entirely unanswered; it wasn't until my brain developed further that I began to have some greater degree of control over my choices and actions.

Jim was saved the year before we were married and although I had been saved for several years now, we both were very young in the Lord. After our marriage, God led us to a little independent Baptist church and for the first time that I can remember in my Christian life, I began to hear preaching on the Christian walk. God began dealing with my heart about things that I needed to confess. Many nights, Jim would stay up and talk with me and then we would pray. This repentance brought forgiveness and some growth, through preaching as well as trials where we learned to lean on the Lord. Up until this time, however, I had no consistent personal time with the Lord. I knew I should be reading my Bible daily as well as praying, but my quiet time was more “hit and miss” as I allowed other things to take its place.

Two Christians decided to find a church in their area; they happened across one that put a lot of focus on legalism and following the rules of the Bible (as opposed to just the hippie Jesus message of KNOWING your saved.) They go through some good times and some bad, and put their faith in god to get them through. In reality, they get themselves and each other through. And someone actually had the gall to ask me yesterday if I would still "demean" religion if they didn't rape children, commit genocide, or advocate slavery! It still lies to children, oppresses women, and justifies the worst atrocities with bullshit platitudes about "god is love" and the "prince of peace". Fuck that. (Yes, my original admirable goal of keeping the blog largely profanity-free has taken a nose dive since the video posts, so I'm just gonna go with it. Let me know if it bugs you, Anteaters.

The turning point in my Christian life came in early ‘96. I had just given birth to our 5th child, Bethany, in December ’95 and I guess I experienced what some people would call a major case of “postpartum depression”. Unlike other times, I just couldn’t “bounce back” this time. I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, teacher, etc. I now had 3 children in grade school (we homeschooled), one toddler and an infant and I just didn’t know if I could do it all! Of course, in my eyes “nobody understood”, not even Jim. (Even though I remember him telling me not to worry about the schooling right then…….."just take your time, rest, start back when your ready".) I really didn’t feel like I could talk to anybody. There were many nights when I would get up, not wanting to disturb Jim, and just sit in a room by myself and cry. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, God was bringing me exactly to the place He wanted me to be.

Post-partum depression *sucks* and I wish this poor woman had been given access to secular therapy, psychotropic medications (if she wanted them), and practical assistance with some of the overwhelming tasks of motherhood. I can't even imagine caring for five children every single day, including an infant. An infant alone is enough to turn the cheeriest parents into wild-eyed narcoleptic zombies covered in spit up and poo. And as for the sadness and loneliness, well I've had more than a few days where I just fell on the floor sobbing - even once this week. Depression is a medical condition, not the action of a loving god. What kind of loving god curses this woman with a (totally naturally explainable and physical) mental illness in order to make her - who already praises him and accepts him and is clearly letting him dictate her womb's opening and closing - be more in line with his demands?

Finally, one night I got out of bed and as I sat there crying, I began calling out to God. In total desperation I cried, “Lord, You’re all I have, and You’re all I need.” THAT WAS IT! That was exactly where God wanted me…TOTAL surrender to Him!!!! Oh, what a sweet peace I felt that night……..a peace that passeth all understanding! I could never begin to try to express the burden that was lifted that night. It was after I gave the Lord first place in my life that I began to have a hunger for His Word like never before. I had such a strong desire to grow and this led to a consistent personal time with the Lord. As I said earlier, before we can fulfill our role in the home, we MUST let Christ have first place in our lives and sometimes this requires God getting our attention by bringing us to our knees.

I've experienced that desire to grow in the Lord; I remember it well. And I remember the release that comes from not being the one making decisions, or bearing responsibility. The "peace of the Lord" is nothing more than completely letting go. I think that's why turning my life and affairs over to god felt so much like taking off for a roadtrip without money or a destination (or a car.) In fact, when I was on such roadtrips - totally reliant on luck, the weather, and the kindness of strangers - I felt the closest I ever did to god, outside of a worship service or revival. To me it sounds like Rachel started carving out a little quiet alone time each day, to sit and read and maybe drink her coffee in silence and solitude. The book is less important than you might think, and there are far better secular books available for getting through depression, loneliness, and the stress of parenting. (Some of the books are even comedies, which have the benefit of making you laugh.)

When we begin to honour the Lord in our lives, it will be evident not only in our words, but in our actions. Our love and adoration for Him will become so strong that just the THOUGHT of bringing a reproach to His name will grieve us. Truly honouring the Lord will change how we walk, how we talk, how we live. And, it will change the kind of wife and mother that we are. Our husbands will begin to notice a change in us. That perhaps “nagging wife” will turn into a “praying wife”. Our children will notice Momma reading her Bible more and more.

The "praying wife" is of course the woman who never expresses her concerns, displeasures, or contradictory opinions to her husband, and instead petitions god to let him know through some other (penis-centered) way. That certainly is a consequence of honoring the god of the Bible. I remember being scared to think blasphemous thoughts, and of not allowing myself to listen to any music with the word "goddamn" in it, because it made me too uncomfortable. (I'm looking at you, Panic at the disco.)

I read a quote the other day by Sis. Linda Townsend, a pastor’s wife, and I’d like to share it with you. “A house isn’t a home without the heart of the homemaker being right with God.” How true this is. We must have our hearts right with God before we can minister in our home as God would have us.

That's actually not true, at all. I live in a home entirely occupied by atheists/nontheists. Not a one of us is "right with God" and, even though I'm home all day and I perform the cooking, cleaning, and laundry functions for the household, I am not a fucking homemaker. I am an underpaid blogger, writer, activist, YouTuber, mother, lover, friend, and funny ass human being. I don't give two flying monkey's poop logs how a god would want me to minister. I'll take care of my family the way I see fit, because I am responsible for my own life.

This post has been brought to you by the letter H. Part 2 coming soon-ish (no promises these days lol.)

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Losing His Religion

EDIT: I apologize but the video won't stay in it's pixel margins. I've tried fixing this three times. If it's a problem, let me know and I'll take the embed code out and just leave a linky to the YouTube.

Okay, so I apologize for being late out of the gate on this one. I saw something about it, but didn't get deep into because I was all distracted by being on vacation.



So the truly cool part of this is that it's getting the conversation going. People are talking about the relationship between religion and misogyny in the news and on the blogs.

I thought it was really funny during the POTUS campaign when Republicans tried to scare voters off of Obama by saying he was like Jimmy Carter. Very few people in my generation know about the price of gas when he was in office, or the Iran-Hostage Crisis. They just know Jimmy Carter's the President who helps run fair elections in foreign countries, works with Habitat for Humanity, and now, stands up for women against his own religion. President Jimmy Carter - you kick ass.

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