Tuesday, August 4, 2009

100 Questions: Update

Come on party people - throw your hands in the air! Sorry, I had a moment. Uh, let's see - today is Tuesday and I'm going to keep doing Tuesday updates on our 100 Questions for Christians till we hit that number. (And maybe beyond - we'll see if I'm bored then.)

Neece at Heaving Dead Cats has been having her minions (or "readers" if you're all super sensitive about it) comment to add questions to this list also. As Angie the Anti-Theist I reserve the right to decide which questions *I* like the best, and add them to the list. So be creative, inventive, and come up with something new! Here's the list we have so far:
  1. If homosexuality is a sin, are gay dolphins sinning?
  2. Will there be jello molds with marshmallows in them in heaven? Explain.
  3. Which is a bigger sin, passing out drunk and naked to be either seen by and/or sexed by your kids OR walking in on your dad while he's passed out drunk and naked, and see the twigs and berries?
  4. What Would Jesus Do?
  5. If god is better than we are, how come we can think up unicorns but he can’t make them?
  6. Same with mermaids.
  7. Did Jesus have acne as a teenager? Please explain.
  8. Why is the Brick Testament the best version of the bible?
  9. Why is christian music so painfully square?
  10. Is it better to be right or popular?
  11. Should god be put on trial for crimes against humanity?
  12. What are some contradictions in the Bible? Please list no fewer than 3. (or was it 5?)

  13. Why waste Jesus' meager 3 miracle years on earth with petty tricks like turning water to wine and cursing a fig tree?
  14. Why didn't Jesus write any of his own material?
  15. What does God have against pillows?
  16. Why is god dependent on human translation efforts to spread his message?
  17. Will we have sex in heaven?

  18. Will we masturbate in heaven?
  19. Will we have competitive eating contests in heaven?
  20. How many people do you personally know that you think god is sending to hell?
  21. Doesn't that just suck?
  22. Will we learn new things, write new stories, sing new songs in heaven?
  23. How the heck do you know what heaven's gonna be like? You've never been there!
  24. Do teenage Jesus wake up with a boner every morning? (Sent in from a Christian reader - thanks!)
  25. Why do you think we have rainbows? (Please say Noah, please say Noah)
  26. Are you pracitcing another religion - going a-whoring - if you do yoga? Meditate? Decorate with feng shui?
  27. Have you ever talked back to your parents, or have your kids ever talked back to you? Then this next point might upset you...

That's all I have so far, which means I need you to keep submitting the funny. Solicit the help of your friends and coworkers (unless you work as a church secretary - then it's probably a good idea to keep this site cleared from your browser history). Send everyone on over to Stump the Fundy with 100 questions for Christians.


  1. Here's mine:
    If Jesus saved us from sins, shouldn't we sin so his act doesn't go to waste?

  2. If god does something in the Bible which would be a serious crime if performed by a human being in this day and age (like demanding that someone show their loyalty to you by terrifying their children with immanant threats of death by human sacrifice) should you follow his example or not?

  3. Mark's gospel is universally accepted as the first written account of the life and works of Jesus. Scholars say that there is compelling evidence that the resurrection story was added to this gospel some considerable number of years after it was written. Explain why an event which is absolutely crucial to standard Christian dogma was omitted in the original document. Why did the author think it was so unimportant?

  4. Describe everything you know about heaven. What leads you to think that this is a better place to be than the best which earth has to offer? How do you imagine you will be able to enjoy the experience if god fulfils his biblical promise and you are continuously subjected to the sounds of your friends screaming in eternal torment? If god were an earthly king and you were invited to live in his house where the screams of his tortured enemies in the dungeons below seeped into the upstairs rooms would you accept the invitation? Why not? How is heaven different?

  5. How come the devil keeps getting out of hell and tempting people on earth? Or how does he manage to tempt people while he is similtaneously being subjected to excruciating continuous pain? Could you tempt anyone in this state of agony? What is the devil's motives for harming humans? What would be the point of trying to harm someone who was not responsible for harming you?

  6. If god created evil why should we call him "good"?

  7. Why is the devil frequently more powerful than the god who supposedly created him?

  8. How about a classic?

    More seriously: Why does the Bible need to be interpreted literally?

    IIRC, 200 years ago no one thought the bible was ever intended to be interpreted literally. The fundamentalist interpretation of the bible is a fairly modern development in response to Darwin's "Origin of Species". I'll see if I can dig up a reference.

  9. Paul said that all scripture is inspired by god and useful. Was Paul referring to his own writings? If not, should we accept them as "inspired"? If he was only referring to the books of the Christian Old Testament then should Christians reject most of it on the grounds that is has been "fulfilled" by Jesus and therefore "irrelevant"?

  10. Since the New Testament assures its readers that the Holy Spirit will lead believers into all truth why has it led believers in so many contradictory directions? Was the writer wrong? Is the HS lazy? stupid? powerless? overworked? overwhelmed? dead? or just plain non-existent? Or do Christians, unaided by any supernatural force, simply misinterpret the writings in the Bible due to their ignorance, credulity and human fallibility?

  11. If you are fallible how can you be sure that you have correct in assuming that the Bible is infallible as interpreted by you, but wrong when interpreted by those who don't have your identical religious beliefs?

  12. What do you think are the most serious contradictions in the Bible?

  13. A question for from my son:

    If god supposedly loves humans why has he killed so many people?

  14. Have you seen this one from Greek philosopher Epicurius?

    "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
    Then he is not omnipotent.
    Is he able, but not willing?
    Then he is malevolent.
    Is he both able and willing?
    Then whence cometh evil?
    Is he neither able nor willing?
    Then why call him God?

  15. @EastwoodDC - Come again? I'd love to have a reference on the literal interpretation trend your seeing.

    @Tomato Addict - I love that one. It was one of the final straws (or "last nails outta the cross") for me.

  16. I once got in trouble for asking a priest this question in all earnestness as a young child:

    "Instead of doing a tiny amount every Sunday over and over, why can't all the priests get together and bless all the water in the oceans into Holy Water once and for all?"

  17. @melior - too funny! We didn't use holy water, so when I visited a friend's Catholic church one week, I thought she was trying to put rainwater from an ashtray onto my forehead, so I ducked inside around her, unblessed. (And to this day, I'm still unholy)