Monday, November 23, 2009

Today I Feel...

Depression makes communication hard, but communication is vital to ending depression. I guess this is the next part of the meds cycle? I feel great ennui. My sheets have been off the bed for a couple hours, but I just don't have the energy to care, and the thought of actually getting up and fixing them exhausts me. Little Man keeps walking into the room to ask, "Are you okay?" and comment "It's dark. Want juice?" (Love him.)

I'm annoyed at how many pills I'm taking, and I'm upset that they're making me feel sick. The antibiotics are doing hell on my stomach, and there's a hold up on my food stamps so I can't run out and get all new food just yet, to accommodate the unplanned oral surgery and necessary changes to my diet. (I cooked up pork chops the night before. How the hell am I supposed to chew those?) Between antibiotics, probiotics (to fight the antibiotics for the sake of my woman parts) the anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and anti-OCD medicine, I'm taking... 16 pills a day right now. Most of those are biotic related so they'll finish up in a little under two weeks, but my stomach is killing me in the meantime.

Also? There's side effects. Other than unmentionable unpleasantness, I've had mood swings, paranoia, and now today depression. It's not even like active sadness. It's just... a lack of motivation to turn on the light as the sun sets. (I know I should care that I was wearing these pants yesterday, but I don't. They are drawstring, so they stay.)

Don't worry. I'm gonna snap out of it with a Terry Pratchett and a cigarette. But first, I love this song.

It used to make me feel so guilty, singing that last verse. But the song spoke to some inner pain well enough that I did it anyway. Blah. Depression - just as much fun as it sounds! Hang in there kiddies; who knows what tomorrow's side effects will bring?