Thursday, September 10, 2009

*New* 100 Questions for Christians

Let's get this going already, so I can post the permalink to a complete 100 questions in the side bar, okay?

Here's where we stand so far from prior weeks. (New questions and funny links start at #41. But the older ones are funny, too.)

  1. If homosexuality is a sin, are gay dolphins sinning?
  2. Will there be jello molds with marshmallows in them in heaven? Explain.
  3. Which is a bigger sin, passing out drunk and naked to be either seen by and/or sexed by your kids OR walking in on your dad while he's passed out drunk and naked, and see the twigs and berries?
  4. What Would Jesus Do?
  5. If god is better than we are, how come we can think up unicorns but he can’t make them?
  6. Same with mermaids.
  7. Did Jesus have acne as a teenager? Please explain.
  8. Why is the Brick Testament the best version of the bible?
  9. Why is christian music so painfully square?
  10. Is it better to be right or popular?
  11. Should god be put on trial for crimes against humanity?
  12. What are some contradictions in the Bible? Please list no fewer than 3. (or was it 5?)
  13. Why waste Jesus' meager 3 miracle years on earth with petty tricks like turning water to wine and cursing a fig tree?
  14. Why didn't Jesus write any of his own material?
  15. What does God have against pillows?
  16. Why is god dependent on human translation efforts to spread his message?
  17. Will we have sex in heaven? (Apparently I never get sick of this song - classic for a reason.)
  18. Will we masturbate in heaven? (This isn't a poe. I know people in this program. *facepalm*)
  19. Will we have competitive eating contests in heaven?
  20. How many people do you personally know that you think god is sending to hell?
  21. Doesn't that just suck?
  22. Will we learn new things, write new stories, sing new songs in heaven?
  23. How the heck do you know what heaven's gonna be like? You've never been there!
  24. Do teenage Jesus wake up with a boner every morning? (Sent in from a Christian reader - thanks!)
  25. Why do you think we have rainbows? (Please say Noah, please say Noah)
  26. Are you pracitcing another religion - going a-whoring - if you do yoga? Meditate? Decorate with feng shui?
  27. Have you ever talked back to your parents, or have your kids ever talked back to you? Then this might upset you. (Start at 4:04.)
  28. If Jesus saved us from sins, shouldn't we sin so his act doesn't go to waste?
  29. What if Satan's the good one and you're worshiping the wrong guy, because the Bible led you astray?
  30. What is Satan's motive to hurt or harm people, when doing that will only make his opponent more desirable in the Battle For Souls?
  31. Will you see/hear/think of your friends roasting in hell while you're in heaven? If not, why not? If so, how could you possibly enjoy heaven knowing loved ones are being tortured FOREVER?
  32. Are you familiar with the term "confirmation bias"?
  33. If Jesus said you could move a mountain with faith as small as a mustard seed, why do faith healers wear glasses?
  34. If Christians can move mountains with their faith, why have mountain top removal and dynamite?
  35. For literalists: Why does the Bible have to be interpreted literally to have value?
  36. How do you know St. Paul was really inspired by God and not just crazy? What if he turned god's own plan for salvation into something completely different? Could that explain god's apparent personality change between the Old and New Testaments?
  37. If god supposedly loves humans why has he killed so many people?
  38. For Catholics/Methodists/Episcopals: Instead of doing a tiny amount every Sunday over and over, why can't all the priests get together and bless all the water in the oceans into Holy Water once and for all?
  39. How do you know if a voice in your head is God, Satan, or your own thoughts?
  40. Would you obey God no matter what he asked you to do?
  41. Why is the Bible written with so many internal contradictions?

  42. For creationists: Should we teach the controversy for all subjects, or just biology?

  43. Is it really a "sacrifice" to die for a couple days, in exchange for godhood, immortality, and billions of people worshiping you and martyring themselves for you?
  44. Why is Jesus' story so strikingly similar to those of other messiahs and demigods?
  45. Why would an all-powerful, all-loving god allow this kind of global imbalance? Or this kind? (Remember Christians - if your god can't fix it, your god's not omnipotent.)
  46. Would it disturb you if the President prayed to God through his hair dryer? Why?
  47. What's the measurable difference between praying to your god and praying to this jug of milk?

  48. When stoning an unruly child to death as Biblicaly commanded, is it more or less ethical to aim for the head to try to end things quickly, rather than dragging it out?
  49. Could God make a Hot Pocket so hot He couldn't eat it?

    (You watched it, right? Cause that video has caused me physical damage from laughing at my desk. More than twice.) (I've since moved the pen cup.)
  50. Why won't God heal amputees?
  51. Who would in a fight between Pirates and Ninjas?
  52. Who would win in a fight between Cavemen and Astronauts?
  53. Who is more awesome - Spike or Angel?

    (Dear reader, if you are not yet totally enamored with the amazing atheist writer and creator of worlds, Joss Whedon, I pity you. Now go rectify by that by asking the biggest geek you know to help guide you through BTVS, Angel, Firefly, Serenity, Dr. Horrible, and Dollhouse.)
  54. Why do you fear Dungeons and Dragons? The D6 will not harm you. (Ha, I love the internet age. My geekdom knows no bounds.)
  55. Is lying for Jesus okay?
  56. How about your anti-gay agenda?
  57. Why is it okay for God to pick favorites?
  58. Who would Jesus feed?
  59. Why doesn't he?
  60. Why are there more churches than homeless people in the US? (Rather, with all that tithe money, why do we still have homeless people?)
  61. For anti-choice Christians: What's the practical difference between a fertilized, non-implanted zygote and the hairs I lost to my brush this morning?
  62. Why don't bees go to heaven?
  63. What the hell are you doing talking about Revelation? Don't you know it's heretical?
  64. Are the Phelps family following God's commands better than you are? (Biblicaly speaking, Yes. They are better Christians than you. The may be many detestable things, but they aren't hypocritical like most Christians.)
  65. Why do Christians get divorced at a significantly higher rate than atheists?
  66. What's the deal with iron chariots?

Special thanks to The Secular Thinker, Mary Wood, and Rick for contributing questions last round! Please help me draft the final funny, unique, or oddball questions for Christians. My goal is for us to have 100 New Debates available (instead of rehashing Jepthah and the Flood). So, here's the begging part: Puh-leeeeze leave questions in the comments below, or send over your atheist friends and coworkers to help this out. Once we've got the full set, I'll post it as an easy-link on the side, and also turn it into a PDF that you all can offer on your own blogs, wikis, or sites.

While I wait on that, I'm gonna go be a massive dork on Farmville.