Taking the Womb out of a Woman

I was Tweeting last night about how I’d love to get my uterus carved out of me. One of my male, pro-choice friends astonished me with his reaction. He said, “You don’t mean that. Your uterus is wonderful.”

Wonderful is it? I can imagine using the same line on someone facing a tonsillectomy, “Your tonsils are wonderful!” That would be a ridiculous thing to say. So why is it less ridiculous when we’re talking about reproductive organs? I conveyed some of my loathing for my uterus, and the pain it routinely causes me.

“Small price to pay for being a real woman.”

What’s a real woman? Is a Real Woman a woman with a uterus? My grandmother had her uterus removed (along with my aunt who she was pregnant with) when she was 6 months into her 5th pregnancy. My grandmother had ovarian cancer. Incubators and at-the-time modern medicine were able to keep my aunt alive. (She’s now a kick-ass grandma who competes in triathlons and has the figure of a Barbie doll.)

Was my grandmother, a semi-professional non-medically-trained midwife, not a “real woman” during all the time I knew her, because her uterus and ovaries wer gone? What about my god-mother? She had breast cancer. When I was 14, she underwent a double radical mastectomy (bye bye boobies.) Did she stop being a “real woman” when her breasts, the mighty organs capable of providing nutrition to live young, were lopped off to save her life? What about trans women? Are they not real women? Of course, you can’t fit that into 140 characters, so what I said instead was this:

“If being a ‘real woman’ requires bleeding, cramping, feeling suicidal and being a total bitch to the ones I love, I’ll pass. “

To which he responded:

“I think your uterus is sacred despite the monthly misery. None of your loved ones disagree.”

The second sentence was easy to debunk. Viking (my boyfriend, and step-father to my son) supports my choice to remove the organ that causes me to double over in pain and cry for hours, even though he wishes my health and our finances were otherwise, so that we could have a child mixed of our genes.

The first sentence was bafflingly woo-ish in its language. (Like me, my friend is an atheist and doesn’t believe in souls, spirits, or I had thought, the sacred.) To me it all sounded a bit too much like fertility worship, and my childhood cult was, at its core, a fertility cult.

This sense of awe and wonder surrounding the uterus is a good way to keep women separate, different, other. I mean, in a way I guess it’s nice to have these things praised rather than vilified (so glad I don’t have to spend my rag-week hiding my “uncleanliness” from the men folk in a tent.) But at the end of the day, making women about their wombs is bad for women.

I was molested, for a year, as a small girl. When I finally broke through “this will be our secret” and found the courage to tell my mom what was happening with that old man neighbor down the street, I went to a doctor for a rape-kit exam. At 8 years old, sneaking in doorways, I overheard the doctor describing the damage to one of his nurses. “She’ll be lucky to ever carry a kid to term.”

I spent my childhood thinking I was barren, that biological children were not in the cards for me. Belonging to a Christian sect focused on the act of birth itself, this made me an outcast. I felt I was flawed, broken, wrong, and most of all “not a real woman.”

I was jealous of women who could conceive and bear children with (relative, apparent) ease, and I despised women who had abortions. Didn’t they know childless women were jealous?? I planned to adopt, and as I grew older and came to care more about social justice, I planned to adopt an older non-white child out of the foster care system. (Still plan to, when my son is grown.)

I am not my uterus. I am my brain. All my memories, thoughts, feelings, ideas, loves, and hates are there. My uterus is just full of lining which must be sloughed off routinely, in a brutal and messy fashion.

Like many people who want to voice their opinions on my uterus, my friend is a man, someone who has never and will never experience menstruation or PMS. How “small” of a price it is should always be up to the bearer. (I’m pro-choice when it comes to birth and abortion. I’m also pro-choice when it comes to removing one’s bodily organs. MY body, MY organs, MY choice. This also applies to men in their decision to get or not get vasectomies. Their bodies, their organs, their choices.)

So, for those of you who haven’t experienced menstruation (whether you’re a “real woman” or not) let me break it down for you.

Puberty hit and my first period arrived when I was 12, on April 1, 1995 (it had to be on April Fools, and the first day of Spring Break the year I’d bought a one-piece white bathing suit, of course.) Since then, in many ways I feel that I (my brain, my mind, ME) have been at war with the Other: my uterus.

I like to think of myself as a rational person (and who among us doesn’t?) I try to be fair with the ones I love, and be mindful that words can be hurtful and even abusive. Three weeks of out four, I can do this. One week a month, in a way I find not at all comical, my personality is taken over by a weepy, hysterical, and frequently suicidal bitch who says hateful things to people I adore. I do not like MYSELF when I am being so affected by hormones.

I have cramps for four days leading up to my period. These are painful enough to be distracting – I have to stop mid-conversation to make a face and concentrate on breathing through the pain. Frequently, Viking will give me his hand to squeeze during this.

When the bleeding starts, it is heavy. I go through a super size tampon or maxi pad (designed to hold 10 oz of fluid!) every two hours for the first five days of my period. Then it gets a bit more reasonable for the remaining 5 days of bleeding. That’s right, I bleed for ten days. And sometimes, my periods don’t have the decency to wait a full month before coming back again, the bitches.

I've gone through times in my life when I had 10 periods in six months. That’s 10 periods of 14 days of pain and discomfort, blood and expensive feminine hygiene products. And let’s not forget the luteal phase of my menstrual cycle! I get cramps during and after ovulation, too. I have severe, painful, distracting cramps about half of my life.

Now, as it turns out, my cycle is somewhat worse than what most women experience. Still, 2% of women have endometriosis (which is, what I believe without being able to afford medical tests to know for certain, what causes me so much misery.)

An evolution-accepting atheist like my friend should be able to recognize that while our bodies are COOL and NIFTY and GROSS and WEIRD, they are not intelligently designed. Things go wrong, in every organ of the body, male and female.

My fertility does not define me. It doesn’t even define my femininity. I desire, strongly, to be infertile. While I have an admitted case of penis envy (or really, Not Being Female envy) I am still a woman. Wanting kids, being able to bear them, being unable to bear them: None of these TOUCH what womanhood is, not to me.

Pregnancy with my son was a shock and I learned about it at 19 weeks past conception (oops.) Multiple ER trips, months of bed rest (that I couldn’t afford to actually take,) two occasions where I nearly lost the fetus, and one occasion where I nearly died myself (and lost 10 pounds! During my 8th month of pregnancy,) and a 98-hour back labor later, I was “lucky to ever carry a kid to term.” I have my son and it’s a “miracle” but I won’t be banking on any more of those coming through for me.

My friend went on to tell me,

“I’ve always been in awe of the power that lies between a woman’s hips. Don’t knock it. There’s true magic there.”

What lies between my hips is a malfunctioning organ with the power to kill me. There’s nothing magical about that, and thanks very much but I’ll knock the pain, the nausea, the cramps, and the personality-overhaul as much as I damn well please.

Now, who wants to send me money for an “elective” hysterectomy?

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Counter Apologetics

Hey Anteaters! So I've been thinking about it and I really should have a page listing all the counter-apologetics I've done, with links and titles and other helpful things. So here's a quick link location for anyone wanting to share my analyses with others :)

Messin' with Mormons
This is a series of live-chats with LDS missionaries, complete with snarky italicized commentary from me.

Chat 1 How do you know that's really revelation and not just thoughts in your head?
Chat 2 How do you know your god is the right one?
Chat 3 Why can't girls be prophets?
Chat 4 What do you mean by "restored church?"
Chat 5 Why did God make the devil?
Chat 6 What happened to the big miracles?
Chat 7 Marriage and family life in the LDS Church
Chat 8 Can you really *choose* what you believe?
Chat 9 I know it's true because god told me in my head.
Chat 10 All the good stuff is God's doing.

Every Student (EveryStudent.com)

Why Pick the God of the Bible? Cause wouldn't it be better if it was true?
WPGB part 2 He was human for you and died for you. Why are you so mean you won't believe in him?
WPGB part 3 - Cause he's the best god ever, you know.

Is There a God? - Complexity of life proves a complex creator (or something like that)
ITAG part 2 - First cause argument
ITAG part 3 - Jesus claimed to be god, so he must be (lunatic, liar, lord)

Why is There Evil? - We asked for it.

Why is There Evil? part 2 - You think that's hard? Try being crucified, you ungrateful heathens.

Is Jesus God? - Lots of people believe it, so it must be true.

IJG part 2 - Lunatic, liar, lord, or legend

IJG part 3 - Jesus was sinless and did miracles.

IJG part 4 - The tomb was empty. How are you gonna explain that, huh?

All About God
God is Love? Only if we drastically change definitions.

Demon Busters
Demon Busters part 1 The demons are making you sick.
Demon Busters part 2 The demons are controlling your mind.

Answers in Genesis
Morons on a Moral Rampage - Believe in god or your kids will kill you!
Ham-Boned Arguments - Me vs. Ken Ham on the separation of church and state

Christian Apologetics Research Ministry (CARM)

Slick Apologetic - Why don't Christians follow Old Testament stoning laws?

Slick Apologetic 2 - It's your fault your going to hell for denying God's existence.

Christian Women Today
If God is in Control... - He's just building character in all those starving and sexually abused kids around the globe.
Thin Within - Someone refers me to a "spiritual" fat camp after I fill out a survey on eating disorders
Thin Without - Email exchange with my computer-appointed Christian mentor

United Church of God
The Process of Conversion Are you a "true Christian" and how can you tell?
Creation or Evolution: Does it Really Matter?

The Story
The Story is a Lie - My response to an evangelical creationist Flash summary of the Bible
The Story Continues Email exchange between me and one of the Story authors

Learn the Bible (LearntheBible.org)

Woman's Role in the Home - Honor the Lord by getting knocked up as often as possible

WRH part 2 - Don't fight it. You're gonna be his bitch.

WRH part 3 - Brainwashing your children is the Lord's will.

WRH part 4 - Spread the meme to other women.

Catholic Education

This series is a response to the ebook "Homosexuality: The Untold Story"

Homophobia: The Untold Story - Gay people want to take away Christian rights.

HTUS part 2 - Gay activists want to recruit your children.

HTUS part 3 - You're gay because you throw like a girl.

HTUS part 4 - You're gay because you're a narcissist.

HTUS part 5 - You'll get butt cancer if you're gay.

HTUS part 6 - You can be straight if you try hard enough.

HTUS part 7 - You're gay because your parents didn't adhere to patriarchy enough.

HTUS part 8 - Gay marriage would be bad for children (who are currently in foster care, thanks to their straight parents.)

HTUS part 9 - What a lifelong virgin & bachelor says about sex is what's right for everyone.

HTUS part 10 - Sex isn't about two people coming together. It's about God being in their bed with them.

Vision Forum

Vision Forum Mission - Their creepy goals

Daddy's Girls in Vision Forum - Property.

Bill Gothard

Courtship Promises -Ensure God's blessing through patriarchy!

Courtship Promises pt. 2 - (coming soon!)

Mercy Ministries - NOTE: You should check out Sean the Blogonaut. He's done more to take this group down than anyone I know of. Great guy, too. :)
Merciless Ministries - Why I think it's a cult

Alcoholics Anonymous/Al-Anon/12 Steps

My Time in Al-Anon - Initial Impression

MTIAA pt. 2 - The Three C's

MTIAA pt. 3 - Fertile Ground

Carol Balizet/My Giggy
Rantings of a Crazy Woman- My grandma's theory about "two realms"
You Look Like God! - My grandma reports a conversation she had with God

My Two Faiths - Me vs. my grandma *and* a more moderate Christian

God of the Gas Tank - From Born in Zion

Various Anti-Gay Orgs

Cure the Gay - From GaytoStraight.org

Coming Out Straight & Other Lies - From ChangeIsPossible.org

Others
Sarah Palin: A Literary Critique - Ripping apart Palin's farewell speech when she quit her job.
Rx for Worry - Apologist book by James Gills I used to fall for
Swearing:The Potty Mouth Sin - From TurnBacktoGod.com

Objectively Nuts - Ha! I got taken in by a Poe, courtesy of Landover Baptist folks

Case for God Review Squared - Reviewing a review of a Karen Armstrong book

God's Will vs. Your Plans - From JustBetweenUs.org

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Daddy's Girls in Vision Forum

Time to take a little break from Susan the Catholic Bigot for a closer look at Vision Forum. Today I'm looking at one of their annual events - the Father and Daughter Retreat, held in Pine Mountains, Georgia each Spring.

God’s Word speaks volumes to the relationship between fathers and daughters: His most sacred duty is her protection and preservation from childhood to virtuous womanhood.

Um, if you mean he's supposed to get his money's worth out of her virginity, then sure the Bible speaks on it.



Fun! And Biblical.

He leads her, woos her, and wins her with a tenderness and affection unique to the bonds of father and daughter.

Um, no. You aren't supposed to date your daughters, Vision Forum guys, or "woo" them. Parenting is not a romance.

Success in his life mission is directly related to the seriousness and compassion with which he seeks to raise her as an industrious, family-affirming, children-loving woman of God.

You get that dads? Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to make this little baby girl of yours into a god-fearing broodmare or else you'll be the laughingstock of all the men in your cult!

She, in turn, looks to her father as a loving picture of leadership, of devotion, and of care.

Sure, as long as those things are *true*. But not all dads are great leaders; some of us think devotion (in the religious sense) is

Her relationship with her father will help to define her view of the worth of a woman, the meaning of fulfillment and contentment, and her vision for virtue.

Ha, that explains me then. Grew up without a dad and you all know how promiscuous (the right wing media claims) I am! All that aside, I think we should take a moment to consider what's being said here. We're talking about how a girl will grow up, right? And it looks like our goals aren't for success or riches or academic brilliance - apparently women are supposed to be fulfilled (by what?) content (with what?) and virtuous (asexual to marriage, then on-demand, but not her demand.) Yippee hooray? I realize not all dads have this as a goal for their daughters, and that's good or else I might be more critical of non-single moms.

When these relationships are realized and cultivated, the generational mission of the Christian family is secure.

Well, yes, so long as the "mission of the Christian family" is for women to be repressed broodmares, then of course, brainwashing daughters appropriately into their roles as mothers and servants of men is extremely vital to the mission. But maybe that's not the most desirable outcome after all?

Is it any wonder that Satan is on the prowl seeking to tear the hearts of daughters from their fathers, and driving wedges of indifference between them — fathers with no time for their little girls, and young ladies who have replaced the love of their fathers with the acceptance of peers and inappropriate romantic relationships?

Ooooh Satan wants your little girl! But look, "young ladies" are supposed to go through a separation from their parents and attachment to peers and lovers. So are young (gentle?)men. It's a healthy, normal part of growing up, and while it can be quite tumultuous for some (including me) it serves the ultimate purpose of helping children become adults, capable of carrying on their own lives without the same level of assistance and oversight from their parents. Most of us recognize this, and there are several independence-oriented milestones during the teen years (like dating, and driving, and working a part-time job at the mall.)

The Vision Forum Ministries Father & Daughter Retreat is one step on the journey of recovering the preciousness of this relationship so crucial to the kingdom-building work of the Church.

Jesus needs your daughter's vagina to bring forth the Kingdom of God! Sign her up today.

And in case you're still wondering - this is what the Bible has to say about fathers and daughters.

1. Your daughters make a great substitute when the townsfolk want to rape your male guest. (Genesis 19:6)
2. It's okay for your daughters to get you drunk and sleep with you. I mean, your male line needs to pass on! (Genesis 19:30-38)
3. You can sell your daughter into sexual slavery, as long as you follow these prescriptions (Exodus 21:7-8)
4. She's dirty a good portion of the time, and you shouldn't go near here (Leviticus 15:19-30,33)
5. If you misbehave, God will make your daughters "whore after" other gods (Hosea 4:13)
6. Your wife is going to be "unclean" a lot longer if she has a daughter than a son (Leviticus 12:2-5)

There are more, but this should give you some impression of what God thinks of your precious little baby girl. Oh, and today's picture is from their site. It's not necessarily creepy, until you put it in context of the whole "wooing" thing.

More to come on this and the Catholic bigotry as the week continues!

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Attack of the Boobs

Image via Wikipedia

Oh.My.Goodness - the concern trolling my Twitter pal (and new hero) Jen McCreight has received! In case you haven't caught my totally-unadvertised BlogTV show (tonight and tomorrow night at 9 EST!) and haven't paid attention to your Facebook wall, Twitter feed, or whatever methods you use to keep in touch with the rest of humanity, today is BOOBQUAKE day. I know I laughed when I first read about the Iranian cleric who claimed that female immodesty is the cause of Iran's many earthquakes. From Jen's blog BlagHag

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. [snip] I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake.

It's a bit of harmless fun - a juvenile prank meant to mock and ridicule the cleric's claims, nothing more. And I for one think it's hilarious. (Of course, I also think AwkwardBoners.com is hilarious - because I have the maturity level of a 13-year-old boy.) Dressing "immodestly" is par for the course here in Florida because, well, it's 80-some degrees Farenheit most of the day for like eight months out of the year.

I read some of the comments on CNN's BOOBQUAKE story, and there was the mixture of catcalls and puns ("Glad you're keeping us abreast of this story! I find it titillating!") There were also, of course, slut-shaming messages along the lines of, "Well maybe immodesty doesn't cause earthquakes but it DOES cause women to not be respected and/or leads men astray." To this I say, what men have no responsibility for their actions at all? One feminist blogger's employee contacted me in the hopes I'd promote her boss on my blog. Here's the reply I sent, scrubbed for identity (because public infighting is bad for any cause. Just look at the GOP.)

I'm very sex-positive (although quite blushy myself) and I don't think a woman enjoying, celebrating, displaying her own body is automatically doing it for the benefit or titillation of male penis-having men, even if some number of them are likely to enjoy it. I think both the religious/shame-based AND feminist/concern-based modes of telling women to cover up can be equally damaging, and I had to fend off both attitudes a LOT during the 18 months I breastfed my sickly son.

I think the more Americans become comfortable with breasts as "those nice looking and useful parts of women" and the less we freak out about Janet's wardrobe malfunction, the higher our rates of breastfeeding will be. Women in European countries breastfeed at significantly higher rates and for longer periods of times, especially countries with topless beaches. I don't think men in those countries AREN'T pleased to see breasts, but no one makes as big a deal, which means they can actually be used for their *intended* purpose more.

Boobs are something I feel quite strongly about, and not in accord with many women around me. I AM participating in Boobquake today, and I frequently show cleavage in my YouTube videos. I do so exactly TO show a Baptist how his thinking that I ought to "cover up" is *exactly* the same as the Muslim who thinks women ought to wear burqas.

That's right, I'm pro-boobs. And I'm also pro-women using their boobs how they see fit. I definitely encourage nursing - the benefits really can't be over stated, for both mother and child, and I fought through thrush, oversupply, undersupply, milk blisters, plugged ducts, and nipple rejection in order to give my son the best in nutrition, antibodies, and IQ I could through the power of my magnificent, wonderful BOOBS. I never really appreciated my boobs till I used them for their evolutionary, biological purpose and now I have to say I'm a big fan of them. (Did you know breastfeeding reduces the risks of cancer for both the nursing woman AND the infant? It also reduces the infant's risk of developing obesity, eczema, and possibly even multiple sclerosis. Oh, and applying it topically to a cut can treat infections and reduce the appearance of scars, like your very own homemade Neosporin. Boob milk is almost magic!)

But I'm also cool with women using their boobs sexually. Most weeks when I remember to, I change my Twitter avatar to a picture of my bra, as part of the #BoobieWednesday campaign to remind women to do self-exams on their breasts. Why should men be the only ones to profit from the allure of the female breast, through advertising campaigns and the largely male-owned porn industry? Boobs are attention getting. (Hell, as my post from earlier this week has taught me, even knees that look like boobs are attention getting!) But the more we get over our hangups about boobs, the more likely new mothers are to use them to feed their children.

So I say - Boobs! Love 'em. Check them for lumps, treat them well, and they'll treat you well, too.

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Angie on TV & Radio

I've done several podcast appearances lately, and haven't provided any of the links (oops!) so let me amend that now.

I was on the ThinkAtheist radio show hosted by my good Twitter buddy @Synthaetica (or Synth for short) a couple of times. The February 28th episode on "The Week in Review" is here. I was also on the March 7th episode.

I was invited on Third Wave Radio and Infidel Guy, but neither show has put up the audio yet. (Sad face goes here.)

Issues for Your Tissues, hosted by Katie Vitale, did two episodes on the #livetweetingabortion issue. For the first episode, Mary Ann Sorrentino (whose slut-shaming "abortion is irresponsible but I'm a pro-choice warrior, really!" piece appeared on Salon.com) came on to explain her viewpoint and reveal her ignorance of how Twitter works. Yesterday, I was able to respond and Katie has already uploaded that audio. (Thanks Katie!)

As for mainstream media, here are my TV spots for ABC News and CNN (stupid embedding disabled by request!)

That's all for now folks!

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Woman's Role in the Home pt. 4

Finally, we can put this misogyny behind us. The first post on this topic is here - use the Google search bar the bottom to find the others (or anything else you're looking for.)

E - Encourage Other Women. Again, in Titus 2:3-5, Paul speaks of the aged women’s responsibility to teach the young women. I just want to touch on this briefly because this can pertain to the woman’s role in the church as well as the home. I really believe that we as Christian ladies are lacking in this area and it is a burden on my heart.

The average Christian woman is not living up to the Biblical mandates given by Paul - check.

We need some Titus 2 women…women who will take the TIME to teach and encourage the young women and yes, it does take time. This teaching needs to start in the home as we train our daughters to be “Titus 2 young women”. And then, we need to be encouraging the young women in our church to pattern their lives according to the principles found in God’s Word.

Anybody else think this would make more sense if she'd told us what a Titus 2 woman was? Well, then I'll do it for her. From the BibleGateway.com NIV, Titus chapter 2, verses 3 thru 5:

3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Okay, "Don't be an addict" is pretty good advice for anybody, whatever their sex or gender (or age.) As for loving your children, well no one had to train me in that. I have certainly read up on and listened to the counsel of others in matters of teaching him, helping him, and caring for him, but no one had to teach me to love him. Likewise, no had to train me to love my friends, so it would appear my modern Western concept of "love" is not what's being referred to here. No, instead this is about subjection. Will this teaching the older women are doing help the younger women to live happy lives, to have healthy children, or to be fulfilled intellectually and emotionally? No. That isn't the purpose at all. The whole point is "so no one will malign the word of God" and since I know I'm not the only loud-mouthed atheist or non-Christian out here, I think this means "so that these women will not malign the word of God." Which of course, is the word Paul was writing at the time? Hmmm....

Well, let's see what other nuggets of wisdom Paul has to offer in his second letter to Titus.

9Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

Huh. Sounds awfully similar, now that I look at them back to back like this. Alright, let's finish up with Rachel.

I came across this poem the other day in a little publication called WOMEN IN THE HARVEST, and it is so fitting for what I’m speaking of. I’d like to share it in closing. The title of the poem is: SHOW ME THE WAY by Karen Groves

Show me the way, dear mother,
Teach me to obey;
Keep yourself modest, innocent and pure,
For I’m following your footsteps each day.

Show me the way to stay a child, long after I am grown

Teach me, mother, to keep my tongue,
To always watch and pray;
Some unkind word coming from my lips
Could hinder me from sharing God’s way.

Teach me to keep silent, the golden rule of the dysfunctional home.

Mother, could you show me
How my husband and children to love?
For one day God will bless me and
Another crown will be for you above.

For your worth is found in your hymen as a bride, in your womb as a wife, and in your seed as a senile old woman, right?

Help me to make good judgments, mother
So when I’m a keeper at home;
I will not make some awful mistake
Like many others we have known.

Awful mistakes like allowing children the opportunity to make friends with people outside our fanatical religious cults, or treating our daughters like "people."

Walk a little plainer, mother,
For one day I will be like you;
Working willingly for family and friends,
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?

No, your body is not an altar and your life was not made to be someone else's sacrifice. Trust me, it's better this way.

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Woman's Role in the Home pt. 3

Okay here's the third installment in our series. (Check out the second one here.)

M – Mold Your Children. When I think of the word “mold”, I think of The Potter, God, molding the clay, us, into useful vessels as it speaks of in Jeremiah 18. As Christian mothers, we can and should be instruments that God can use to mold our children. Our desire should be for our children to grow up to be vessels fit for the Master’s use.

Okay except, I'm not a lump of clay. Or an instrument or a vessel, and I don't want my life to be for some master's use. And I don't want my son to be a molded lump either. I want him to make his own choices and find his own path, and be his own person. Of course I'll try to influence and shape him, by expressing what I approve of and what I value and what I find reprehensible. But I don't ever want him to think he is meant to be shaped to someone else's design.

Molding our children into these vessels is a continual process. Our teaching and training time with them cannot be “here a little, there a little”. If a potter works on a lump of clay for a while and then sets it aside, intending to come back to it at a later date, what is going to happen to the clay? It will become hardened. So it is with children. If we neglect to teach and train them daily according to the principles found in God’s Word, there is danger of them becoming hardened to the things of the Lord.

If you don't indoctrinate early and often, they'll think these tales are ridiculous and this morality inferior. Find out how brainwashing can work for your family today!

How can we as mothers be used by God to “mold” our children? Deuteronomy 6:6,7 says, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:” What you teach your children must first be in your heart. If you are not allowing the Lord to speak to you DAILY through His Word, you cannot effectively teach your children.

Uh, the Lord isn't speaking to me daily or even semi-annually, yet I am effectively teaching my child. Hell, Blue's Clues is effectively teaching him*. Do you think Joe's right with God?**

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” These verses tell me that I need to be speaking of the Lord and His Word throughout the day….while cooking supper, teaching math, folding laundry, playing, cleaning, etc…

Sounds like argument ad nauseum to me. Say it over and over again, and anything sounds possible. "God is all these contradictory things at the exact same time and the entire Bible is true, even the parts that disagree with the other parts. Amen." Stamp out doubt, stamp out doubt...

I need to be sensitive to opportunities God gives me to apply Biblical principles to “day-to-day” situations. I have found that the more time I spend in the Bible, the easier this is to do. Luke 6:45 says, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Whatever I have hid in my heart is going to naturally come out in my conversation.

This is where Christianity can get really oppressive. I remember feeling like I could express too much appreciation for something, or it would become an idol and then I wouldn't get to have it anymore. I wasn't allowed to actually feel proud of my singing voice, and I could like fantasy books or plays or friends too much, because God was supposed to be my primary focus. Every minute I spent playing video games or watching Monty Python or smoking cigarettes down at the park with friends was a minute I wasn't putting God first. A guy told me in a video recently that "atheism sucks the life out of its followers". Thinking I was cheating on my god anytime I spent a minute on an activity that wasn't completely about him - (like worship, or church volunteer work, or youth group activities, or devotions time) left me feeling like a battered lover.

There are many principles from God’s Word that we need to be teaching our children as we are used of God to mold them, but I would like to quickly name a few.

1. We need to teach them of their need for a Saviour and God’s wonderful plan of salvation. Salvation is only through repentance and faith in the finished work of the cross. Romans 10:9,10 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness ; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Right, can't have your kids thinking they're okay the way God made them. Gotta teach them that they're wicked, and in need of salvation for their dirty humanness.

And, II Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” I cannot save my children…they must each trust Christ as their own personal Saviour.

If He doesn't want any of us to perish, why did he set up a system where so many people are guaranteed to? After all, merely repenting towards your fellow human being isn't what's required here. Rachel says salvation "is only through repentance and faith in the finished work of the cross." She can't save her babies, so she has to raise them in fear of themselves, so that they won't tarry in getting "saved."

2. We need to teach them the importance of reading God’s Word. Tell them how precious God’s Word is and how we need to love and treasure it. Psalm 119:97 says, “O how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.” Our attitude toward the Bible will affect their attitude.

Ah, yes. If you don't convince them at an early age that the Bible is holy, and if they actually read it, they might not come to the conclusion that the book is the Word of God or divine or somehow inspired or even good. And that would be a tragedy, after all. I can't fault Rachel for indoctrinating her children, much as it pains me. Remember, she was indoctrinated as a child herself. The fear she used to feel about her own immortality is now for her children. Given that set of propositions, telling your children over and over that they need a savior, and that the savior wants them to read this book, is the loving thing to do. It's just not true.

But, we not only need to stress the importance of reading their Bible, but also to live it. James 1:22 says, “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only…”

Okay, well, I gotta give her points for avoiding hypocrisy. Unfortunately, the word that she is being faithful to is genocidal, fear-mongering, and insane.

3. Teach them the importance and privilege of prayer. Teach them, by example, to go to the Lord about everything….every burden…every decision to make.

Well, it's what she looked for in a marriage, so it's hardly surprising she desires a submissive, following role with her god as well. Why make decisions when you can just trust the menfolk and the man-god?

The last part of James 4:2 says, “ye have not because ye ask not” and then II Chronicles 16:9 says, “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” How many times have we missed having a burden lifted, or lacked wisdom in making the right decision simply because we didn’t ask? James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally…” Teach your children the power of prayer.

So do you suppose people dying of disease and starvation, malnutrition and political strife and war, do you suppose those people never asked God to improve their lot in life? Certainly some of them may not believe in the Christian god, and so I can see they'd be screwed (although this hardly seems to mesh with a god who doesn't desire for any to perish), but there are Christian amputees and Jewish amputees (and atheist amputees.) Do they "have not" because they ask not? Or do you suppose they asked, and god just didn't answer them? Was he "slack as some men count slackness" during the Nazi Holocaust or the genocide in Darfur? Ah yes, the power of prayer.

4. Teach them to be faithful to the Lord’s house. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” Psalm 92:13,14 says, “Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing.” Teach them, once again by example, the importance of faithfulness to God’s house. Psalm 122:1 says, “I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.” Are you “glad” when Sunday morning comes? Children learn much by example.

Especially when they're not permitted to see any other examples. Church is largely boring. The exceptions tend to be on the crazier and crazier ends - rooms full of adults dressed in business casual, jumping up and down to some incredibly simplistic GCDC music; handling snakes; or else writhing on the floor "slain in the Spirit" or being delivered from demonic activity. Beyond those frightening displays, it largely consists of sitting or standing in a room for an hour or hours, listening to someone read and explain a book that doesn't actually apply to your modern-day life, desperately trying to make it fit, like solving a jigsaw puzzle with a razor blade and a roll of scotch tape.

5. Teach them to choose godly friends. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” How many Christian young peoples’ testimonies or even lives have been destroyed simply because of a wrong friend? Psalm 119:63 “I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.” The right kind of friends will encourage and build you up in the faith. I heard a preacher once say, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you what you are or what you soon shall be.”

Ah, well, if a preacher said it, it must be true! No, wait that's scientists. Oh wait, no, that's not anybody. Nice argument from authority there, Rachel, but I don't actually respect the authority of clergy. When you say "teach them to choose" do you mean, instill them with values you cherish and clearly state your expectations for behavior to your children, or do you mean TELL them "Don't hang out with those godless kids down the block. They'll lead you to Hell"?

6. Teach them that they can and should be godly examples to others, even in their youth. II Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Don’t believe the lie that it is “normal” for every child to “sow their wild oats.” Yes, some children will rebel. “…a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15, but children do not have to go through a time of rebellion. Proverbs 20:11 says, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.” We should expect godly behaviour even in our children if they are saved.

Well, separation or "rebellion" actually is a vital step in child development. The early years are the enmeshed absorption years, where your child basically emulates you and generally likes you and wants to please you. Then comes puberty, sexual identity, and the beginnings of self-definition. If you're permitted to form a more individual identity at this point, you "come into yourself." If you're not given this freedom, then you struggle against nature and yourself to stay a child.

7. Teach them the blessing of obedience as well as honour. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

And here I was planning on teaching my son compassion, and ethical decision-making skills. I'm not raising my son to be a sheep, a sacrifice, or a lump of clay. I'm raising him to be a man. When we describe a man we admire, how often do we start by saying, "Oh well he is so obedient!" (That we still consider this a positive trait in women bothers me, but social change takes time and I can read & vote & divorce & own property & sue for sexual harassment, so things are moving in the right direction.)

But not only teach them the blessing, but warn them of the danger of disobedience and disrespect. Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.” Proverbs 20:20 says, “Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.”

Listen to your mother, and I'll set the birds loose to peck your eyes out. Oh, and mommy & daddy & Jesus love you.

The obedience and respect that we are to teach them should not be only toward parents. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” We need to stress the importance of respect and obedience toward our pastor, teachers, etc. It’s a sad day that we are living in. I’ve never seen so much disrespect for elders among children. The saddest part about this is that much of it goes on in our own churches.

Ah, the appeal to simpler times. You know who always told me kids needed to respect their elders? My elders. Seems like there's a conflict of interest there, really. And of course, it was this unquestioning obedience and deference to elders which left me so unprepared for the sexual molestation a neighbor put me through. As a septuagenarian, he was certainly my elder, and I had been taught to obey my elders. I try to teach my own son to be nice to people, but to defend his body. (If somebody tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.)

I’m reminded of the story in II Kings when the little children came forth and mocked Elisha. God brought swift punishment on these children. If you love your children, you will teach them the importance of obedience and respect for their elders.

Respect your elders, or God will sic bears on you! So, why are you teaching your children this book is holy?

8. Teach them to one day teach their children. Psalm 78:1-7 says, “Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.” A favorite example of this is found in II Timothy 1:5 “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” Our desire for our children should not just be to see them grow up and remain faithful to the Lord. We should teach them to instruct their children also…and so on.

Because religion is hereditary. And I did the same thing. I prayed the Lord's prayer a few hundred times during my 98-hour labor, and I brought my son to church. I put him in Sunday School & read children's Bible stories to him. I was trying to share something important to me with my son, and did not recognize the brainwashing path I was leading him down. Fortunately, I woke up before any strong belief in Jesus was instilled. Still, this generational-faith description does make me tend to agree with Dawkins' statement that "faith is a virus."

That's all for today - come back tomorrow for E- Encourage Other Women. For now, enjoy my latest video :D







* When I get pissed, Little Man reminds me "Angry mommy? Stop, breathe, and think!"

** No, Steve did not die of a heroin overdose. The actor quit because he didn't want to go bald on national kid's TV. Seriously. I saw it on the 10 Year Anniversary Blue's Clues Special, which I absolutely did watch. Also, since there are two transition episodes featuring Steve and Joe, it's amazing that urban legend is still going around.

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Woman's Role in the Home pt. 2

This is part 2 of my response to Rachel Harkins on The Woman's Role. In our first installment of the HOME acronym, we made it through "H for Honour" - that's right, it's not just Honor, it's Honour with a U. Last time, Rachel wrote about god sometimes needing to "bring us to our knees" to us properly in submission. I'll let you fill in the imagery on your own.* Moving on.

O – One Flesh. Genesis 2:20-25 gives the account of God creating Woman. We know that Eve was created for Adam to be an help meet, according to verse 18. Then, in verse 23 we read Adam’s response when God brings Eve to him. In verse 24 we see how God describes the union of man and woman. He says that they shall be “one flesh”.

Not to go all grammar geeky, but I did copy edit my Giggy's manuscripts starting at age 10. The a/an rule for H is as follows: If the H is pronounced, say a; if it's silent, say an. I consider it an honor to be heading to hell in a handbasket. See how that works?

On to my actual substantive as opposed to neurotic notes, I have so much to say about what's wrong with Adam and Eve that I have posts here, here, here, and here on the subject. But I don't think I've really gone into the misogynistic qualities of the story yet, and this seems like the appropriate venue to do so. Notice we don't have Eve's response to Adam? We don't hear if Adam is pleasing to her, or if she desires him as a helpmeet, mate, lover, or spouse. We are told what the male god thinks and the male human. Of the woman, we aren't told her feelings or thoughts. What did Eve think of Adam or Eden or God? It's as if she had no desires or feelings of her own, which is of course the end aim of Quiverfull: Complete subordination of will to another. It's important within complimentarianism, when using rigid gender roles, to remind yourself that women are supposedly inferior to man - last made and first deceived. Surely, if men and women were really and truly equal, constant submission would never be approrpriate.

What does it mean to be “one flesh”? Several times in the New Testament, this term is mentioned in reference to a husband and wife, and each time, it speaks of two becoming one…..two individuals….man and woman…becoming one. When the two become one, there is now only one head….the husband. Ephesians 5:23 – “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: …” So, we’re not talking about some “two-headed” monster. Since the husband is to be the head of the home, the wife’s role in the home is to be in submission to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. To be in submission means “to yield, resign or surrender to the power, will or authority of another”.

Ugh, hang on a minute while I try not to vomit. (pause) Okay, I think I'll be okay. Imagine viewing cooperation as a "two-headed monster." Rachel here thinks having a say, a voice, a vote in her marriage would make things worse in her life. I don't want to yield, resign or surrender to the power, will, or authority of another. That's *slavery* and it's not something I'm going to sign up for! It bothers me to see so many who do.

Let me add right here, this is NOT just an outward act. True submission comes from within the heart. It’s very easy to submit on the outside and all the time be rebelling on the inside. If you are trying to live like that, I guarantee that you are having constant turmoil within. Real peace only comes when we acknowledge the God-given role of our husband as the head and we in submission to them.

This like telling a rape victim "Don't fight it." As soon as you quit trying to have any autonomy, then you'll feel better? Well, yes, in a way. Evolution has made us innately obedient in some capacities, with built-in deference to authority. Which is why it matters so much to me that we remove the illusion of authority from institutions and men who do not truly possess any. The fact that my ex-husband had a Y chromosome and a penis did not make him a good steward, decision maker, person, human being, or even mammal. (Even my cats hated him.) I saw him two days ago, on my way home from running errands, standing on the sidewalk, holding a sign advertising same day tax returns, in a Lady Liberty smock and funny hat and the sunglasses I bought him on our honeymoon. I cannot express how glad I am I did not submit to his will and authority. Since I left him, he has gone to jail 3 times for domestic battery against 3 different women (thank you, public records system.) Rachel is saying you should not only submit outwardly - allowing the Male One in all his penis-given wisdom to make every decision, without ever once complaining - but that you should also submit inwardly. Convince yourself this is what you want, and that it's nice not to have to make any decisions or be responsible for your own choices. Oh, and on a grammar note, I did not edit her work at all so each "..." was in this where I found it on LearntheBible.

Not only is there peace in submission, there is also protection. I wish I had been taught the BLESSING of submission as a young wife but unfortunately I am learning that many years later. Just a few years after we were married, God blessed us with our first child…..a new responsibility for both of us. One by one, as the babies came along, my responsibilities grew. In 1990, after much prayer, we began to homeschool our children. I now had a full-time/over-time “job” and I needed to realize my limitations. I just couldn’t do everything.

Being a mindless slave is the essence of letting go - in worship to god, in a submissive marriage, or in a BDSM dungeon. So is suicide. That doesn't mean it's a way to live your entire life, or that it's how every woman *should* live, for the crime of being a menstruating creature. Grrrrr. Moving on, God blessed them with an absence of contraception, check. Doing everything yourself in a marriage sucks, check. So is she gonna ask hubby to help out around the house or with the kids more?

I used to have a hard time saying “No” when asked to be in charge of or take part in a particular event. Because of this, I would find myself many times “in over my head” with responsibilities. Since the only kind of involvement our family had was church or homeschool related, these events were “good” in themselves but also very time-consuming. If you have ever found yourself in this situation, you will have to admit that most of the time some area will be neglected and many times it is your own family. It wasn’t until I really began to acknowledge in my heart that Jim was the head of our home, that I had the freedom to say “No” when needed. Before, when I was asked to do things I would either say “Yes”, knowing in my heart that I shouldn’t be taking on anything else, or I would say “No” and then worry about it for weeks. Now, I go to my husband and tell him the situation, we discuss whether I should or shouldn’t agree to something and then I can give an answer. Either, “Yes, my husband said I could” or “I’m sorry, my husband said he didn’t think I should be taking any more on right now.” When Jim discourages me from doing something, he is simply protecting me from “overloading” myself. The best part about this is that I can walk away with a perfect peace, knowing that I did the right thing. You may think this is silly, but it’s a blessing to me.

Yes, Master. Whatever you say, Master. She's just describing poor interpersonal boundries. Instead of learning to say no to people on her own, she completely gave up her personal boundaries between her and her husband and is allowing HIM to say no for her.

With submission there is an inner peace and there is protection. Let me add quickly about the protection. Since we are teaching courtship with our children as opposed to dating, our daughters have that protection knowing that any young man has to go through Daddy first. If God allows them to marry, that protection will be passed from Daddy to their husband.

Can't let the girls have a moment of freedom and independence - after all, if you did that they might never choose a life of submission and servitude.

So, being one-flesh with your husband, where two become one, means acknowledging that there is only one head now and that head is your husband as you submit inwardly as well as outwardly to him.

And here all those years I was a Christian, I thought it meant that once a couple got married they were gonna do it and make babies.

Quickly, I want to mention a few other things in reference to a woman’s role as a wife and then I’ll move on. Proverbs 31:11,12 says “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Our husbands should not have to worry about their needs being met in the home, whether physical or material.

Okay there's a difference between being a trustworthy, loving partner (what that verse describes IMO) and pampering a grown man. The idea that after I've worked all day (trust me, what these Quiverfull women do all day in the home is some serious backbreaking work), I would want to follow someone around meeting their every desire (without, you know, EVER getting my desires met) is just... gross? Contemptible? Unappealing, to say the very, very least.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” When two become one….one-flesh…their priorities change. They now should be concerned about pleasing their spouse.

No "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache." No "I'm nine months pregnant and I just don't feel like it". No "Get OFF me!!" You can only abstain from sex in the marriage if it is by consent of both partners, which means you can't say no. Yes, spousal rape can happen. Saying "I do" to wedding vows, despite what Rachel and the Bible (and the Koran) might say, does not mean you sacrifice all rights to personhood and physical safety. Whether you are a man or a woman, you deserve to be safe from violence and sexual assault, especially within your home. Verses, teachings, and mentalities like this create a culture where abuse is justified, and rape goes under-reported, and often untreated. And it sucks.

Verses 32-34 of that same chapter speaks on this: “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Let me add right here. So many young unmarried adults, desiring to be married but waiting on the Lord, often wonder what exactly their “purpose” is as a single Christian. This passage deals with that question as well.

Wow, talk about a sweet deal for the menfolk! Now the way she's supposed to honor god is by making *you* god! Put up your feet honey. Here's a beer and a casserole and the remote. Would you like a backrub or a blowjob while you watch football? Hey, there's nothing wrong with offering your man (or woman) any of those things. Being nice is nice. Being enslaved, belittled, demeaned, and submitted isn't. It's the difference between living under an expectation and offering your lover a treat, acting out of a sense of obligation or a sense of gratitude.

And then, in the book of Titus, chapter 2, Paul lists characteristics and duties of both the aged and young men and women. Verse 4 says that the aged women are to teach the young women and one of the things they are to teach them is to love their husbands. How are they to teach this? I believe they are to teach by example. This may seem “elementary” to you…I would imagine that every married lady in here, if asked, would say, “Yes, I love my husband.” But, do our actions show it? Does our husband know that, after however many years of marriage, he’s still the most wonderful man….that you’d marry him all over again? Do your children know that Momma and Daddy love each other?

Well, those aren't the questions to start with. First you have to ask IS your husband the most wonderful man? WOULD you marry him again? DO you still love each other? You do have to ask those questions first. My ex-husband got furious, and played the hurt card, once when I "dared accuse" him of being a bad provider. He got all upset, wounded by my accusation - but it was true. The electricity got shut off that month, and I was working 30 hours a week, while doing all of the childcare, all of the housework, and about five loads of laundry per day (hello, cloth diapers, how I do not miss you even one teeny tiny bit.) There was no food in the fridge, but there was beer. Much more important than convincing my son or myself how in love with him I am, was getting the hell away from him, where I can freely hate him from a safe distance (although not nearly as distant as I would like.)

Also, Rachel is elevating the words of Paul to gospel (no pun intended.) She is acting as though his ideas on the role of women were God's. Possibly because I had a female preacher grandmother, or possibly because she actually told me this and I've just forgotten, but I always had the idea that what Paul said about women and families was his opinion, whereas what he said about Jesus (and what Jesus said about anything) where facts. Of course, I also thought Moses was a real guy and Jonah lived in a fish's belly, so it's not like I was totally rational and on top of things.

There's a long and badly told story about going to the Dollar Tree in the mall with her kids. I will spare you and pare it down.

Courtney wanted to show me a picture frame she had seen that was just “perfect” for Daddy and I... It looked just like a license plate…a red one with gold numbers and letters. The “license number” was NUTZ 4 U and the state was the “state of bliss”. I loved it! ... As I thought about this later, it thrilled my heart to know that our 20 year-old daughter knows that Momma and Daddy are still “nuts” about each other. I believe, aside from parents that truly love the Lord, the best gift you can give your children are parents that love each other.

The inside of me is screaming, so I'll try to remain calm. 1) Dollar Tree 2) Stupid novelty gift 3) The girl is 20 and lives at home and goes to the Dollar Tree in the mall with her mom and many siblings 4) Where she looks at gifts for her parents 5) because she isn't allowed to date and she isn't married yet. 6) Anybody else feeling all kicky?



Oh, and parents that love each other is probably more helpful than parents who love the lord, but what would be most beneficial would be parents who loved their children.

That's all for today! M-Mold Your Children (shudder) is coming up next and I have another Messin' with Mormons on my blog to-do list for the next month. I'm gonna be doing a podcast episode with Brian Sapient and Darth Josh of Rational Response Squad soon, and next week I'll be doing an interview with Cameron Reilly on No Illusions. Thanks to everybody for all your help getting the word out! I'll be sure to post everything here when it's available :D

* I mean scrubbing floors, you perv!

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The Problem with Religion

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Thin Without

So, you remember when the Christian "study mentor" referred me to a bible-based online fat camp, right? Apparently, they've got communication problems internally, because (without any reference to my first mentor Pat) I've got a new one.

Len used the actual survey answers and responded to each. Most of the responses were "that's right" in nature, and so I've left them out here for brevity. Below is my response to her response to my response to a question. (Question is in black, my original response is in purple, her comments are in blue, my most recent response is in black.) And yes, I did have all those Bible verses linked in the email I sent her :)

Hi Len,

I'll just respond to a few specific comments of yours.

*5: Define a person with true beauty. What does Peter 3:3-5 say beauty is?*
I would define a person with true beauty as someone who is compassionate and generous. That passage defines beauty as "gentle and quiet" and "submissive". That sounds more pathetic and victimized than "beautiful" to me.

Good definition - but what's wrong with gentle and quiet spirit? I know that in this day of equality we scoff at the word "submission". That is because we have swung to far the other way. It does not mean that women are to be slaves. If husbands and bosses were, first of all, submissive to God, then women would not find it so difficult to fall in line with directives of a man. For the sake of order, someone has to be in charge of things. Without it our society crumbles as we see it happening now. As far as importance in God's eyes is concerned the woman is on equal level with the man.

The problem with promoting a gentle and quiet spirit and submission is that it lends itself to abuse - over and over again, across cultures and religions. When groups adopt a patriarchal model, women and children ARE abused. As a children's rights activist and anti-cult activist, I have to tell you that your promotion of essentially "being a quiet non-complaining helpmeet" is *extremely* dangerous! I am trying to get a neighbor to leave her husband right NOW because he is attempting to kill her, but she's so damn submissive and gentle, and such a quiet-spirit and so obedient to her husband that she will probably die before she leaves him. It is *heartbreaking* and it is the kind of work I do everyday helping people make their lives BETTER.

I suggest you read the book "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement" by Katherine Joyce a very well-researched and well-written book examining the Quiverfull (complimentarian or "separate but equal" gender roles) lifestyle and the damage that it inflicts on the women, children, and even men involved. Here is an article she wrote on the subject for Salon.com

As a single mother who left an abusive alcoholic adulterer, I will say that "for the sake of order" (and probably my life) it was absolutely important that someone was in charge - ME. Equality is absolutely necessary, or else abuse WILL occur! Your god hates a vagina - read your Bible. Menstruating is a sin requiring days of isolation, followed by cleansing and a blood sacrifice. Supposedly God cursed *all women forever* with the pain of childbirth (which is caused by totally natural things, by the way - We ARE products of evolution, after all) because one woman - who didn't know right from wrong - displeased Him one time. He turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for looking back, but when Lot offered up his virgin daughters to be gang-raped, or when he later had incestuous sex and impregnated BOTH of them, that's absolutely fine. Wanna know how much God thinks a man should be paid if his daughter is raped? 50 Shekels! (Of course the victim gets nothing except she has to marry the rapist - or be stoned to death, depending on where she was when he raped her.) It's all in the Bible. I don't believe the book is true, but if it was - clearly, God HATES women.

And yet you DO think the book is true, and you're trying to tell me that men and women are equal in God's eyes? What could you *possibly* be basing that on? Because it's certainly not scripture.

*6: When are times that you feel like you have no control in your life?*
When my unemployment check gets deposited late and my landlady knocks on my door.

That's scary unsettling time for sure and there could be many others - every time there is a situation that you cannot fix on your own.

Who said I couldn't fix it on my own? In fact, I did - I've ironed out the problem with my unemployment check, and gotten my landlady to agree to a payment arrangement until the balance is caught up. Instead of sitting on my hands, or praying to God, I recognized that there is no Sky Daddy to come kiss it and make it all better, and so I make it better myself. Humanism is incredibly empowering, and much more productive for a happy life than Christianity. I speak from personal experience, but also the experience of the thousands of members of Ex-Christian.net and other deconversion sites.

*8: How do you think God views you? How do you think God feels when you’re harming your body?*
God is imaginary. No real medical doctor should ever ask me what unicorns or gods think of my issues with food.

I am sorry you feel that way but you have a free will to choose to believe or not believe that God exists, but that is a very important topic of its own. We could talk more about it if you wanted to.

God has the free will capability to reveal himself to be, and yet he hasn't. Is this because He wants me to go to hell because I lacked evidence, or does this mean He is imaginary? (Hint: It's the second one.) I know you're probably thinking, "But that would interfere with your free will!" but it wouldn't. Case in point? Lucifer and 1/3 of the angels had *absolute knowledge and proof* of God's existence, yet they chose not to worship him. Clearly, it would be possible for God to reveal himself clearly, and not in some poorly written in-dire-need-of-editing hodgepodge of genealogy, myth, half-truths, parables, and proverbs, entirely reliant on human copying, printing, and translation efforts. And yet he hasn't and doesn't. To me the most logical explanation for why an all-powerful, all-loving god who desired to spend eternity with mankind would not save billions of nonbelievers through this simple gift of knowledge is that he doesn't exist. How do you rationalize your belief in a god there is no evidence for?

And people don't choose to believe or disbelieve the gospel. You can't choose to believe the earth is flat or that lemons aren't tart. You know better. Knowledge impacts belief. I know too much about the brain, sociology, group dynamics, delusion, propaganda, history, and other world religions to ever believe Christianity is true again.

*10: I have the following questions/comments about this study. Also, please pray for me in these areas:*
Are you aware of the term "push polling" and do you see how this "study" does more to suggest that the real cure for an eating disorder is god (who I believed in during the 12 years I was puking my guts up) than it does to actually learn what women think?

To tell the truth, no I did not know the term "push polling" but I researched it and now I know. I don't think that it applies totally to what these lessons are intended for. We did not conduct large polls in order to manipulate people. I will admit we offer the lessons to point people to a resource - God - that many people have not considered for their problems. That applies to problems of many kinds not just this one. You have the option to disregard the evidence, but countless stories are available fom people whose lives and hope for the future has changed for the better because of their faith in God. But it's your choice - we only point you in that direction.

I find it very deceptive that your magazine claimed to be conducting a "study" (really more of a survey) to find out what women with eating disorders thought, when your actual motive was to proselytize. I don't know why Christians think that being deceptive or "lying for Jesus" is somehow morally okay, when it's one of those Ten Commandments your "brothers and sisters in Christ" keep trying to plant on *my* courthouse lawn.

You seem to think I had never tried the God solution - as I stated above I was a Christian (just like you!) while I was unhappy, suicidal, miserable, anorexic and severely underweight. As an atheist, I'm happier, I'm healthier, I take better care of myself and I'm a better mother. Faith in god was the *problem* and knowledge about the real world around us - not the fantasy tales of heaven with streets paved of gold, but this life! right here in front of us, passing us by - THAT has been the solution. I don't want to go to heaven - I want to stay right here as long as I can, and soＩ*embrace* this short, temporal, insignificant life and take it for all it's worth. THAT is the way to deal with problems - by actually dealing with them, not praying and waiting for Jesus to come fix you.

What evidence am I disregarding? To my knowledge, there IS no evidence for God. If you think you have some, I'd be thrilled to hear it (and frankly, so would the Nobel committee).

And as for the personal testimonies - there are Scientologists who will tell you how much Dianetics and the Tech have improved their lives; there are Mormons who will tell you that Joseph Smith was the latter-day prophet of God and they *know* it because they prayed and asked God and he told them that the Book of Mormon was true; David Koresh still has some followers who admire him even now, far from him. I study cults. Personal testimonies of a spiritual nature don't tell us ANYTHING about whether or not what they believe is helping them is actually real or true (or even helpful).

I'm looking forward to your replies.
--------------------

What do you think ATAT readers (Aters? ataters? Anteaters?*) is Len going to write me back?

Place your non-monetary bets below and I promise to keep you updated if anyone from this study/survey/we-just-wanna-point-you-to-god-because-we-think-you've-somehow-never-heard-the-gospel group contacts me again.

And now here is THE best "Jesus LOL" video.

I may have done nasal-cranial damage from laughing so hard at that. *sigh* Freaking priceless. You sing it, Jesus! (Seriously that's going up there with WWJD as one of my favorite Jesus music videos.)

Okay, here's the LMB quote of the day. (By the way, I will keep posting these until y'all let me know you've gone out and requested her books from your library or book venord, mm'kay?) From Mirror Dance, p. 722

She gave him a half-salute and turned away. He puzzled over the look in her eyes, as she descended out of sight down the lift-tube. It wasn't love. It wasn't fear.

Oh. So that's what respect looks like. Oh.

I could get used to that.

* Whatever shall I call you?? Suggest names and I'll let y'all vote on them! There's only so many times I can type "y'all" in a post and "you guys" just seems weird since I have so many female readers. But "readers" sounds totally boring and non-branded so come up with an ATAT reader nickname, please!

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