Thursday, July 30, 2009

Birth Certificates: Why It's Good to Have One

So I'm sure everyone's aware of the Birther Conspiracy by now. This is the gem that claims Obama's secretly foreign, and therefore secretly not the actual President. The funny thing is, everyone's focus is primarily on the birth certificate. (It's real - go check it out for yourselves, damnit.)

To me this is extra funny because of course, I wasn't born in a hospital; there was no attending physician; and I didn't even get my birth certificate - or social security number - till I was 4 and my sister was 6.

Home birth, abstinence from medical care, and general crazy-in-the-woods isolationism were all really important to the theology of my now-senile (but always crazy) cult leader grandmother. She conned my mother and hundreds of other women into these home births, and encouraged them to stay "out of the system". That particular aspect of her theology kicked in sometime in the two years between my brother's birth and my sister's, so he has a normal birth certificate (although, obviously, not signed by a hospital administrator) and my sister and I eventually got "delayed birth certificates". A DBC is basically a piece of paper saying "Some people claim to be related to this kid". It helps when getting a driver's license or applying for a job, but it is missing some critical elements of credibility.

When she was 19, my sister had a chance to accompany my mom on a foreign business trip to Venezuela. Since my sister has been in love with the Spanish language since she was a second grader, she set about getting her passport. And you know what? It's hard to get one of those when you have no proof of your citizenship/existence before age 6. We ended up putting together a package for the Passport Office that included photocopies of birth records in the family Bible and dozens of pictures of my sister from being a squashy newborn, through years of pictures with my mom, my older brother, and myself, to her blonde-goth high school yearbook photo. Eventually she got the passport, went on her trip, and two years later even spent a semester abroad in South America. When I was applying for my own passport a year later, it was easier. I just sent them the same box, with a letter saying basically "You gave her one." Of course, I ended up tearing my shoulder a week before I was supposed to go to Germany, and in the past 8 years since then, I still haven't made it off American soil. Tragic, really.

All this is really is just to say: Not only did my grandmother totally warp my mind with her crazy dogma; She's ruined my chances of becoming President. Oh well, at least my kid was born in a hospital - I've got the paperwork and everything.

The picture in this post is of Barack Hussein Obama's certificate of live birth from the State of Hawaii. Never believe what has thoroughly debunked.


  1. You can still be president. It's only if you're non-white and have a "funny" name that they raise a fuss. I'm sure that they would never even think to question your white butt's citizenship!

    I, on the other hand, who once dreamt of being president, am forever denied the position. I was born a US citizen, but not on US soil. So that's that.

  2. Well John McCain was born on a US Naval base in Panama and no one thought his ancient whiteness was unqualified by the Constitution.

    If the vote hadn't been a mandate, that's what they'd be questioning instead. They have to have something to "legitimize" their disdain for a black man in the White House.

  3. The time lines, places, actions, motives, when analyzed, support, and are consistent with, what is the answer to the Obama birth puzzle:

    Obama’s grandmother is his mother and his mother is his sister.

    Think about it. Review all the facts and claims.

  4. Oh I was *hoping* to get a birther on here! Ya'll know I love my opposing view points, like when the LDS bunch comment on Chatting with Mormons.

    @Anony-nony - Here's a little rule that helps people find truth. Even if you successfully showed that Obama was not a US citizen (like he is), it would not automatically make your cockamamie story true. And actually, since Obama's grandmother Toot lived in Hawaii from before the time Obama was born until she passed away last fall, if she WAS his mother (which she isn't) that would still make him a US citizen!

    Why don't you trust Like right-wing partisan blogs better? Fine, WorldNetDaily actually agrees that Obama's birth certificate is real, and he is a US citizen.

  5. Considering how much identity and legitimacy is tied to this particular piece of paper, it's amazing that it was so hard for you and your sister to get credible "proof" of who you are. Lots of adults who were adopted as children are running into this issue too - their original BC's are sealed and legally off limits, because ammended BCs were issued later showing the adoptive parents as their parents. Yet the original birth certificate holds so many identity answers. Very compelling topic!

  6. @Rachel. I agree. In my case, our mom didn't APPLY for the BC or SSN till that age. She was keeping us "out of the world". I'm not sure why she changed her mind - I should ask her. (We talk on the phone and trash my grandma all the time; it is totally our bonding activity.)