Slut

Let's talk about sex, baby. We are all aware of the double-standard around male and female sexuality. A higher degree of promiscuity, or a greater number of partners is "permitted" to men than women, and there is no masculine equivalent of the word "slut". ("Man-whore", by the very fact that it tacks "man" on, demonstrates that "whore" is also assumed to be female.)

A friend of mine recently told me that the reason she was continuing to date the same five losers again and again, in rotation, was because she thought women weren't supposed to have more than five partners in their lives. She's got a new boyfriend now, and he's not a loser, but she wasted a lot of time on some societal message about sex.

I think that the double standard is rooted in a couple of things.

1. The assumption that sex is dirty.
   
2. The assumption that women are dirty.
3. (Sometimes) the assumption that women do not desire sex, or desire it less than men.
4. The assumption that male sexuality is healthy, normal, and a sign of verility
5. The assumption that female sexuality is unhealthy, deviant, and a negative reflection on her character.
6. The history of women as property, and the associated devaluing of property for a non-virgin woman (or even complete inability to marry. Or stoning. People who hate women love stoning - like Yahweh.)
   
7. Some more "charitable" types assume a woman with multiple lifetime partners is just "broken" and in need of fixing.

The obsession with virginity hints at a time when women were essentially treated as property; owned by their male fathers until they were given or sold to their male husbands, who had the ability to, ya know, stone them to death. Of course, nothing like that happens anymore...

And we're all aware I'm sure of the spectacular failures of abstinence-only education, purity balls, and chastity jewelry.

Use condoms people, and common sense and maybe even prudence. But get rid of this idea that male sexuality is normal and good, and female sexuality is somehow dirty, sinful, or "slutty". Maybe I'm virile, too dammit. And maybe most of the girls you date lie to you - because I know some of my girlfriends give a different number to me than they do to their man. And that makes all of us less safe.

It's important to be aware of your sexual partner's risk factors for STD/STIs. It's important to use protection. When people feel too ashamed of their normal, healthy, adult sexuality to talk about it honestly (in appropriate places y'all, not in front of the children), sex loses some of its biological gratification because of emotional baggage. Worrying that having sex with one more guy will make you slut can make sex less satisfying. Why would we want to do that to anyone, much less our partners or potential partners?

So men,* please stop using words like "whore" and "slut". And maybe then more women will sleep with you.




















I think this stuff is important to talk about, but I am blushing my face off right now!

* If you already don't use words that demean women and treat sex like something less than awesome fun then kudos, thanks, and I'm obviously not talking about you. Please spare me the "you're a man-hater" and/or the "that's a generalization" speech. I know.