Cults Can Be Funny

Today I wanna talk about one of my favorite topics - Cults. Now I know most of you probably have hobbies that are entertaining, or physically exhausting, or mentally stimulating. I have a hobby that's suicidally depressing. But important.

One way I deal with the the compassion fatigue or emotional overload that comes from reading tol many cult survivor stories in one sitting is with the lulz. This video, while being totally instructive and accurate, cracks me up in a dark humor kind of way. (I still think Angela's Ashes is funny and has a happy ending. My family saw the movie based on my impression, and now they think I'm twisted and weird.) So, with that kind of a endorsement, watch and enjoy!




I may have posted that before - I don't care. It's a good video. Seriously, of all the cult checklists and papers and testimonies I've read, this is the best, simplest Cult 101 explanation I've seen. I showed this video to a Christian cult escapee who was staying with me for a while this summer. I was trying to let her know that what happened to her happens to lots, yadda yadda. I think it just freaked her out that I know how to start a cult.

But really, starting your own cult is easy. Just look at the five simple steps in this eHow article. (I don't know if it will happen for you also, but when I pulled up that page a giant flash $cientology ad came up under the checklist, lol.)

Phil Milstein has a more thorough (and delightfully snarky) six steps in his piece "How to Become a Cult Guru or, You Too Can Induce Mass Suicide." Some pearls of wisdom from it include:

Remember that everyone you meet is, deep inside, like a scrawny branch wavering in the stiff wind of life, just waiting for a big tree to sprout up alongside and protect them. Be that tree...

And on why laundromats are an awesome place to collect new recruits:
Down at the local suds parlor you'll find oodles of brain-dead scum, just sitting around twiddling their thumbs and spitting pumpkin seeds. Perfect cult fodder.

Heartwarming, no? Although I'm pretty sure around here sunflower seeds are a lot more popular than pumpkin, I'm sure the principle still applies.

This post that made me wanna ROFL or at least PMP (pee my pants - come on people, it could catch on). It's 5 steps to starting your own $cientology off shoot denomination.

So remember folks, whatever your cause or passion is, while it's important to stay dedicated towards positive actions and efforts, and while promotion awareness and legislation and social protests (I mean marches dumbass - leave your assault rifle in the armory at home), it's okay to laugh, too. I know cults are awful. I know good people do terrible things and have terrible things done to them. But laughing can be a really effective coping mechanism, and it's served me well through many trials and tragedies, so I'm gonna keeping LOLing over here, even about the serious stuff like cults, and I'd love it if you joined me in the merry making.

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Questions for Christians

Readers, stalkers, and random passers-by - lend me your ears! Or rather, your fingers. And brains (but not in a zombie way). Sorry, I've had sugar.

I want to get together a massive set of, say, 100 Questions for Christians. Make them creative, hypothetical, unique. Stay away from anything so done-to-death that any theist can just Google an apologist rebuttal. (The fact that there is Conservapedia: The "Trustworthy" Encyclopedia? Chills me to the bones.) Let's have new debates.

So, here's what I need from you:

• Give me creative stump-the-fundy questions
• Suggest debate location sites (if it can be easily cached and redisplayed - in part or whole - here on ATAT, that would be best)

To get you into the spirit of things and give you a clue as to what I'm looking for, here are the first 10 of the 100 Questions for Christians we're going to amass. (We are gonna make this happen y'all.)

1. If homosexuality is a sin, are two gay male dolphins sinning when they do this?



2. Will there be jello molds with marshmallows in them in heaven? Explain. If they do this, you should have your rebuttal - for each side of the argument! - already prepared.


3. Which is a bigger sin: Walking in on your dad - drunk, naked, and passed out? or Passing out drunk and naked, and leaving your kids to pick up after your drunk butt? (Now tell them about the Curse of Ham! Note: Both Noah and Lot were the "best" and "holiest" men in their communities; both got dead drunk and were naked in front of (or had sex with) their kids. Great role models, eh?)


4. What Would Jesus Do? (Watch this video - you'll be glad you did. Trust me.)
   


5. If God is better than we are, how come we can think up unicorns, but he didn't make them?


6. Same thing, but with mermaids. (I was surprised how many hits - 947,000 - come up for "mermaids are real".)
   


7. Did Jesus have acne as a teenager? Explain.


8. Why is the Brick Testament the best version of the Bible? (Note: You are playing a sublte verbal trick here, by asking them to only explain why it's the best version - which it totally is - and not first having them agree on that point. Theists do this constantly, so it's always nice to get them back!)


9. Why is Christian music so painfully square? (I used to *listen* to this!)


10. Is it better to be right or to popular? (I throw this one in because Christian teens especially are repeatedly told they are being persecuted, that it's hard to be Christian in this "secular world", etc. Get them to agree being popular is less important, and then present them with the facts about Christian persecution with this handy pie chart!)
    

It's almost embarrassing how often I laugh at MYSELF while blogging. I think I'm the funniest person ever when I'm snarking on the internets! Also ya'll, when I say *facepalm* 9 times out of 10 I did just literally smack myself in the forehead before typing it. If I claim to have shot Coke Zero out of my nose? Then my monitor is dirty.

Okay, well I'm hoping audience participation will be high for this one. I may have to post remainder/ updates to keep this on my front page. Remember folks, question early and often!

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